December 28, 2006
but not inside my head
i'm listening inside for it
it never comes. it's dead.
but then i get a sense of this
and chill for this and even that
i'm running and it's alive
then i stop to catch my breath
it's nowhere. it's dead.
find it please
the things we need
the things we ever thought to be
and we are living and it's now
December 11, 2006
Tread round your aching sides
Great mountain fall on me
I came across this way
When I was once young and free
I came across this way
And asked who I would be
Heat rose and embers fell
I died so I could see
November 23, 2006
Here’s how I hope it will look, now that I carry a SmarTrip card and a loooong winter coat:
A typical day, and with wistful eyes I write this:
5.30 hit the YMCA (la) and run designated amount - either 3 or 5 miles.
6.30 shower and eat breakfast
7.10 leave for metro, during metro have morning devotion
7.20 ish leave on metro bound for Silver Spring - purple line, where are you????
9.00 arrive at beloved worksite - Brainbox, and WORK!
5.00 leave beloved worksite and take metro home, during read independent study book, and listen to something contemplative, like bright eyes
6.45 arrive at home, cook/eat dinner
7.15 free - emails, etc
October 23, 2006
October 18, 2006
rubbing hands and feathered hats
their sooty grime and pressured eyes
melted away at my demise
their eyes grew bright and large and warm
and closer closer near they came
fingers out from tattered gloves
first came soft
then rough and harsh
the weathered dying landscape
was laid threadbare again
and back into the open fell
the body of a dying girl
who hears the panther leap
quiet pads the softest feet
bare into the jungle night
and take me down, a triple feat:
blood, guts, and gore to eat
October 17, 2006
"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung."
"People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid."
- Soren Aabye Kierkegaard
"Give me chastity and continence, but not yet."
- Saint Augustine
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
- Sir Winston Churchill
"The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work."
- Emile Zola
* i disagree- the gift exists and it is something- a gift is a gift- something given to a person. they possess it, and may or may not utilize it if they will to do so. the method by which it is used does not validate or "prove" its value. it's just a great great shame along with all our other shame. shame is what humans should possess the most, with all that they do. yet we have no shame*
September 27, 2006
(this picture is from april of this spring oh six. a dear friend mocked my gypsy looks and therefore i posed. gypsies rule!... money, please.)
so i would blog... but i don't feel particularly into sharing all my lifes secrets, nor retorting down through finger flying my daily rituals partaken. i'd rather laugh run and play away so quick and gone
ear can tide the bit that be
till the powers fade and find me seethe
in corridors and corners quickly fading
i loved to laugh and lived to learn
the edges started fraying
my hands were ripped
sky high disaster struck
and i fell back
to shells of harder clay
of course there is no ending
of course there is no prey
just endless hunters seeking
maple wood and... prey
the cold wind draft comes by it's own bidding
awaken when it knows the most
can't find it worn leather spots
so it comes and goes and comes again
and stays here the way it wants
riverbeds of mountain air
founding freezing fading
the everlast of eye slit glows
the rivers flow in peace
then day then night
then sun lit morn
and clash the waters rage
i can't believe my hands swore yes
when the mind was yelling what
i am a clashing contradict of colors moss and leaves
breathe brother banty
breaths like water smoke
over every piece of solid
hearts token love on stilts
they shut they open and open wide
say ahhh... tell- scream
please stop it now.
September 10, 2006
i like this wood
i like the grain
i run up my fingers
and feel the pain
sweet bitter life
come cut me deep
come make me cry
pain and joy
i must survive
one dead island's summer's moon
gave up the crystal
sit and soot
and dust from sky bright tears and cages
the toodle players of ancient sages
i came running waste high in massage cast
of life divided, masked face past
cried ten times and dove again
into the salty stinging spray
life love color please give way
September 07, 2006
Then it comes. Heavy and wet all over. It’s 80 and the smell of thick summer is in the nose. But it cracks, heaves, and sighs, flashing lights cracking wet all over. Stop and stand there. In my frail emotional spirit I feel connected with nature. I am indeed out of my league. But it goes on and on and excites me. I stand up, laughing so quickly that another comes before the one has finished coming. Then it happens, and I sit quickly in surprise. A thunder crack everywhere and all at once, that I was not ready for, that rattled mind body soul. It is the great everything who had to remind me. I sit very still, becoming soaked to my underclothes with every passing moment. And I realize that I dare not breathe, and that every cell in my frail frame is alive because the great almighty is breathing life into them every single moment. And then I know, in a fleeted moment, that I am not my own, just like the trees and the grass and the rain and the sky are not their own.
Then I am speechless. And then I laugh. I am filled with the knowing of the great almighty. I tremble, yet take much joy in my trembling and realize that “I am at peace with God,” for the great almighty told me so. I want to get closer but can’t. But I do know that where I stand and anywhere I’d ever stand is his. So my cheeks start hurting and I can’t stop as I lift my hands as high as I can.
Then a door behinds me sqeaks open. In a familiar harsh Japanese voice, I hear my mother say, “What are you doing? It’s one AM in the morning!”
Then I stumble towards the door and fling my wet body into the shower, all smiles.
September 05, 2006
August 26, 2006
I don't have any good words in my dry mouth. Nothing comes but tears and grief. Is grief good?
Oh but she is with Him, Him in all His glory, and now they wait for us.
August 03, 2006
ok kids, it comes to the point of critical defense- do we do it or not?
yes, recently i've been tempted to try crystal meth after working on it as ae for a special for tv
i mean, look, you don't need plastic surgery- just take some beautiful meth
we are generation X (repeat that 3x)
seriously- maybe all we do so thoughtlessly- it's like a drug addiction
so i smile and realize how much i hate myself and love myself
oh the agony and the ecstacy!
my life this week: procrastination drives desparation- as is LAST MINUTE PHC APP!!
ps: oh i forgot- the diary part:
dear online super personal blog diary,
- today i baked chocolate chip cookies, took pictures of my dog, and tried to speculate where my life would be in 5 years. Then, i talked to my friend Suzie on the phone for like half and hour, and than chilled at the pool.*
come on- nobody can take this crap!
*pending personal blog removal
*completely fictional story that i would never do
in opt for
Super cool video blog that is impersonal!!!
there, i did it, i officially suck- i made a blog entry.
May 18, 2006
April 28, 2006
March 11, 2006
February 27, 2006
February 14, 2006
February 04, 2006
January 23, 2006
I don't have that mucho tiempo so i'll make this sweet.
I got there, we (matt, anna, and i) got a tour from lea (pronounced ley-ah!)
andrew showed anna and i around avid, etc.
we had noodles n company with the crew
we did grunt work till 5:45~
it was cool