September 07, 2006

Then it comes. Heavy and wet all over. It’s 80 and the smell of thick summer is in the nose. But it cracks, heaves, and sighs, flashing lights cracking wet all over. Stop and stand there. In my frail emotional spirit I feel connected with nature. I am indeed out of my league. But it goes on and on and excites me. I stand up, laughing so quickly that another comes before the one has finished coming. Then it happens, and I sit quickly in surprise. A thunder crack everywhere and all at once, that I was not ready for, that rattled mind body soul. It is the great everything who had to remind me. I sit very still, becoming soaked to my underclothes with every passing moment. And I realize that I dare not breathe, and that every cell in my frail frame is alive because the great almighty is breathing life into them every single moment. And then I know, in a fleeted moment, that I am not my own, just like the trees and the grass and the rain and the sky are not their own.

Then I am speechless. And then I laugh. I am filled with the knowing of the great almighty. I tremble, yet take much joy in my trembling and realize that “I am at peace with God,” for the great almighty told me so. I want to get closer but can’t. But I do know that where I stand and anywhere I’d ever stand is his. So my cheeks start hurting and I can’t stop as I lift my hands as high as I can.

Then a door behinds me sqeaks open. In a familiar harsh Japanese voice, I hear my mother say, “What are you doing? It’s one AM in the morning!”

Then I stumble towards the door and fling my wet body into the shower, all smiles.

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