so here i am blogging at midnight. why? because i am a wisp quickly fading... because i want to remember me... because i am fueled by my selfish motives of preservation and remembrance... because i want remembrance... because it is sweet

(this picture is from april of this spring oh six. a dear friend mocked my gypsy looks and therefore i posed. gypsies rule!... money, please.)

so i would blog... but i don't feel particularly into sharing all my lifes secrets, nor retorting down through finger flying my daily rituals partaken. i'd rather laugh run and play away so quick and gone

ear can tide the bit that be
till the powers fade and find me seethe
in corridors and corners quickly fading
i loved to laugh and lived to learn
the edges started fraying
my hands were ripped
sky high disaster struck
and i fell back
to shells of harder clay

of course there is no ending
of course there is no prey
just endless hunters seeking
maple wood and... prey

the cold wind draft comes by it's own bidding
awaken when it knows the most
can't find it worn leather spots
so it comes and goes and comes again
and stays here the way it wants
riverbeds of mountain air
founding freezing fading

the everlast of eye slit glows
the rivers flow in peace
then day then night
then sun lit morn
and clash the waters rage

i can't believe my hands swore yes
when the mind was yelling what
i am a clashing contradict of colors moss and leaves

breathe brother banty
breaths like water smoke
over every piece of solid
hearts token love on stilts

they shut they open and open wide
say ahhh... tell- scream
cheecks burn
pink
oh subtle
red
the jeers
purple
please stop it now.
red
fresh
red.

ah i must

life is life
i like this wood
i like the grain
i run up my fingers
and feel the pain
it bleeds

sweet bitter life
come cut me deep
come make me cry
pain and joy
i must survive

one dead island's summer's moon
gave up the crystal
sit and soot
and dust from sky bright tears and cages
the toodle players of ancient sages
i came running waste high in massage cast
of life divided, masked face past
cried ten times and dove again
into the salty stinging spray
life love color please give way

Then it comes. Heavy and wet all over. It’s 80 and the smell of thick summer is in the nose. But it cracks, heaves, and sighs, flashing lights cracking wet all over. Stop and stand there. In my frail emotional spirit I feel connected with nature. I am indeed out of my league. But it goes on and on and excites me. I stand up, laughing so quickly that another comes before the one has finished coming. Then it happens, and I sit quickly in surprise. A thunder crack everywhere and all at once, that I was not ready for, that rattled mind body soul. It is the great everything who had to remind me. I sit very still, becoming soaked to my underclothes with every passing moment. And I realize that I dare not breathe, and that every cell in my frail frame is alive because the great almighty is breathing life into them every single moment. And then I know, in a fleeted moment, that I am not my own, just like the trees and the grass and the rain and the sky are not their own.

Then I am speechless. And then I laugh. I am filled with the knowing of the great almighty. I tremble, yet take much joy in my trembling and realize that “I am at peace with God,” for the great almighty told me so. I want to get closer but can’t. But I do know that where I stand and anywhere I’d ever stand is his. So my cheeks start hurting and I can’t stop as I lift my hands as high as I can.

Then a door behinds me sqeaks open. In a familiar harsh Japanese voice, I hear my mother say, “What are you doing? It’s one AM in the morning!”

Then I stumble towards the door and fling my wet body into the shower, all smiles.

up there

flying high

is where i wanna stay

come down the devils scream

flying high

let me stay

let me dream

dear good sunday gone the one i never had