January 02, 2005

thoughts in wanting of freedom

I think that it is fun to be a free liver who wanders around, skimming around on the whims of emotion. Or would that be living hell? Sometimes all those things that look so pretty when they are tied to our wrists so we don't have to grip so hard might be bad. How can we chase another fury if our wrists cannot be untied by ourselves? Who will come and loosen our bonds when we tire of the game?

Maybe if I had a reset button in my head. If I was in the height of dillusions I could magically reference back and poof! - I'm running after something else.

Why am I the chaser? I could be a leader. But where would I lead? And who would I lead? If I fall to err, as I do often in emotional pursuits, (how can chocolate be vanilla?), all will err. I could not bring myself to lead until I am confident and satisfied in sense of the way I traverse.

Why do I long to wander still? It is a dangerous habit, sure to kill. It's like walking in a dark alley, exciting in being scared, not knowing what's going to happen. It's like going on the scariest rides at the carnival, loosening my seetbelt leaning out to the very edge, and wondering what it would be like to just drop so high.

If jumping off cliffs wouldn't kill you, I'd do it all the time. So then I'll skydive when I grow up.BTW, here is a video of skydivers:
(david calls like a bird.)


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