It is 12:02 am, Jan 1, 2005. I was going elsewhere for this moment to celebrate (what?), but my slight disspation in temperment has prevented it. So here I sit, before the Family Vaio pouring the contents of my heart into the bland ears of an internet blog. yada, but here is not much.
New Year's resolution
1 Selflessness
2 Humility
3 Love + respect for parents
4 Dependence on God
5 Steady Forbearence
6 A job at Starbucks
7 Enough to kill this blog
8 Go to CA to intern with mom's friend, visit all my cousins
9 Make an embossing friendship to further the gospel,
as in, evangelize.
10 And some more I cannot think of
2005. Just yesturday, I believed in the rapture. I held my breath through the days closing the century. And as 2000 came, I stood outside in my pajamas and lit small rockets in glass bottles. Funny how I forgot it all at the moment. Of all my brothers asleep in bed, I woke 5 minutes before. I remember being sick, and my head hurting. I was dizzy as I came downstairs. Mom and Dad sat on the couch, luminescense glowing off their faces. They were watching japanese people yackily dressed counting down to the year. Cheering voices on the screen and neighbors yelling and japenese fireworks outside, all at once. Dad turned to me and said, "Happy New Year Lily. What are you doing awake?"
It was cold outside. I lit the tiny rocket heads one by one. I was out there by myself, my parents inside. The nieghbors had all returned to their townhomes. It was dark and silent. The breeze floated by with wisps of smoke remains. I had placed little glass bottles on the sidewalk in a row, like a gravesite, wheezing off at different times. I listened to them screaming to the dark sky, wondering where they would land. Or if they would land on some drunk partyer's head, and stay there for the rest of their grand time getting happy for the sake of time.
And so the rapture did'nt happen. I went back to bed.
In June of 2000, we moved back to the States. Dad was so excited about this new program the Navy was accepting him into. And I, as usual, tried to look at things as for the better.
Jan 1, 2005. Five years since, and I don't feel any more significant. Sometimes I want to go back too, cuz now I know what I am missing. You can never take anything for granted. The distance? It is great and lengthy, everspreading.
Here are the new artists I listened to tonight:
Gilli Moon (from Aus)
Carbon Leaf
Heidi McCurdy
Come 2005, come hoped bliss and contentment. My desparate wish.
- Lily
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