blah

Wow, I've been eat a fu-ton of ice cream lately...

2011-10-03T03:43:00.000-04:00

Specifically Ben and Jerry's and BlueBell. But it's sooooooooo goooooood!!!!!

Hence, here are some BnJ reviews on a greatness scale of bad to top notch, bad being the bad-est and top notch being the top-notch-est. haha:

bad / okay / good / top notch

Cheesecake Brownie - bad
this is basically a slightly cheesecake-y tasting cream ice cream (very boring) with very few pieces of mostly brownie tasting brownie pieces. ugh. so disappointing. doesn't even taste like cheesecake. just a weird cream ice cream with like 4 brownie slivers here and there.

Magic Brownies - top notch
This black raspberry ice cream base is good enough by itself. It tastes distinctly of fresh well-picked raspberries well-blended into a simply smooth sweet cream ice cream. The cream complements the berry taste addictingly. It is truly magical. Not to mention there's a decent amount of gob-sized fudge brownie chunk treasures here and there that complement the base perfectly.

Dublin Mudslide - good
The flavor itself, if you are an irish cream liquor fan is good enough to merit the re-spoon repeatedly at an alarming rate. The consistency is bland, the cookies are less-concentrated brownie-ish tasting, but still delicious. "Premixed" favorite to come back too now and then. (As opposed to smothering any chocolate-themed BnJ's with Kahlua or Baileys. Or sometimes even vodka lol.)

Everything but the... - top notch
Crunchy roasted almonds covered in good-quality chocolate are the finishing touch that made this a solid favorite. If you are feeling the mix-ins, go for this one. Compared to a plethora of BnJs lacking in the-actual-things-that-it-claims-to-be-filled-with-a-decent-amount-of, it is generously filled with good quality add-ins. Plus, as simple as it is, chocolate and vanilla ice cream eaten together is surprisingly good. Try just the two together sometime and you'll see what I mean. (Bluebell great divide). You'll see. Solid base.

Phish Food - top notch
This is my favorite. Ever. It's the high quality fudge fish that melt in my mouth, making me reminisce of encountering dove chocolate for the first time as a preteen. One of the first good pieces of chocolate that I ever had, that made me remotely interested/delighted in eating chocolate. (I didn't like chocolate as a child because I never ate it when I was younger. Everyday now, I come to love it more.)

Late Night Snack - okay
again, okay, but could be way better. It's the serious lack of topping amount that causes failure in this ice cream that has sooo much potential for greatness. If only it had more salty potato chip clusters, it would help counter the overload of sweet. Maybe the caramel is also not salty enough. It tastes like normal caramel swirl, not that much saltier.

Oatmeal Cookie Crunch - top notch
Here's why: lots of cookie chunks, it's actually crunchy, and good quality ingredients. Plus an addicting sweet/salty yin and yang.

Schweddy Balls - bad
I got super-psyched on this one and went out and bought it ASAP. Unfortunately, it lacked in both the base and fillings. I could barely barely barely taste the rum in the vanilla ice cream. The malt balls were few and far, far outnumbered by the rum "balls" (which where half-decent). Plus, the malt balls were worse than whoppers. They were … :P waxy… ewwwwww.

Peach Cobbler - good
Yummy, doesn't taste fresh enough or have big enough shortbread pieces too be top notch. Maybe if it had softer peaches and more of them, peach ice cream AND cream ice cream in a swirl, and a caramel swirl instead of a peach swirl (which tasted more like simple sweetness than peach.)
Still, yummy.

America on 7.4.11

2011-07-04T14:25:00.001-04:00

Tans come and go,
so do friends, ex-es, and buses
at least for now this country's somewhat standard, stable, and androgynously embraced
I love you America
You are my mother
You are my father
You are my oscillating mother/father
America, I shout with joy for you when I return
America, thoughts of you keep me from enjoying the other land
America, you're a delicious baby covered in slobber and spit
America, why do I feel obliged to wipe your nose? Here's a wet one.
America you formed me in the womb
Unknowingly, America, you cultivated antiquated change
America, you give people the freedom to feel restless
America, I'm restless. I want a divorce.

poems I wrote when I was 16

2011-06-09T10:14:00.002-04:00

nails

my nails are gone
I bit them off
one by one
one by accident
the others by force
I kept my thumb
nice tip, smooth, white
but they kept coming
into my mouth
so I'd remember
and stop the chomp
but keep them there
and nibble some
until the underbeds were riveted
then I lied myself over
they had to go
I miss them so
They were so pretty
Ladylike on my hand
now, stubs, stranded on dry land

mistake

do it for my sake
eat this rake
this spoon
this cake
this mop
this galvanized plate
oh looks
ripley is here
snap snap
my love
is dead
(acrobats)
forgetting the fuming ambitions of the one I stand on
I wave to my friends
I fall, she falls, we all fall

Mayhem in the pitied malaise
came to me
cried out
everything
gone

So he asked me where it was
and I said "what?"
he said, "the map, you fool, the map"
I pursed my lips and thought
I neatly placed my hands on my lap
then jumped and screamed,
"that way! go there!"
gone, back, now more so
I sighed, the light faded now
"my hands," I said, "my hands-
you see,- "
"The map!"
"My hands," I held them up
He looked away... "my hands,"
I said, "my hands, you see,
they-"
"Shut up!" He snapped and
marched straight off, I sat
and clucked my bitter tongue
tsk, these hands, these worn out hands...
these scars... were they still worth it?
to writing on my pretty hands?

deep blue sea...

2011-06-01T13:49:00.002-04:00

... The sea is a decadent abyss,
from where my crustacean friends
find solace in the miseries of the murk
That is where the cruelest formalities of day to day fragilities
are regarded affectionately as the cubbyhole home...

innocence and the way of the world

2011-05-15T22:33:00.002-04:00

dandies rollick underfoot
a step, atop the porch I sit
pondering, wander, wonder

soon, soon dusk lets down its heavy blanket
on the sky,
dimly soothing, frantically fading

chubby grubby hands ambling,
the children meandering back
from the dripping living woods

frogs from bogs
upturning spacious housing logs

they look up at me with dark bright eyes,
trusting innocence?

- Across the field the llamas stare right back

high and sweet
melodic voices chipper, crowd
bring me back

smiling, invisibly, a warm wet tear slips out
and blends incognito with the taxing:
sweet sweat, down the furtive brow

a second splits
the horror hits
soon one day soon
their naivety will be shattered, raped, split, slit

eaten up, processed. inevitably
by the churning turning world

Its hungry gut
splendidly huge
awesomely fraudulent

my contributions keep the checks in sway
the delicate balance
eventually. making me
a better wetter lay

green, part one

2011-05-15T01:43:00.001-04:00

Green always green
the essence to my life
trees grass leaves
calm subtle soft
living. breathing.
gently upwards heaving.
pushing towards the sky
a model for mankind

when i see you, i see red
the colors twist
the gentle fled
of green, bliss lime love lizards lips.
red.

when i speak softly tones subside
my vision blurs, then clarifies
and what once was the one i hunt-
why kill what you can't hide?
and often times i ponder why
as i mellow in my bed
green melons, unriped acacia seeds
florescent trundle hucks

why can't there be a sea of green?
green the fields the hills the meadows
green the sea that we can eat
why can't there be a sea of green-
to calm the distance, from you... to me

at least this sea is living
at least this sea can change
maybe sometime soon, the present?
shorten
maybe envelop us
green green green

a random poem of the night inspired by Alan Ginsberg

2011-01-12T03:43:00.004-05:00

cleaned it up a bit:

Forever and ever and ever ago
the strains of common time
from which was once bound little men
has now given arise
to a greater dawn adorned
tethered without boundaries
one without dimensions
we were once constrained
instantly that now he knows you know she knows
and then
they know
what a fallacy that falls, pulls and breaks the ties of fried
mind, in mankind
in darkness shivering
desperate for a light
yet light abounds in
gone to whisper
she shudders at the thought
the carousel was full
the children laughed, cut free
thank you coming, come again
and sudden, an image in their heads
and then they sought them each each night unto their very death,
beds were wet
horrors relinquished
quenched endless thirsts
the classic lots of more for less
and less is more yet best
the truth has emptied out
single file
on the patterned floor
eyesores sorted with lint,
and no longer can i distinguish
the butter from the bread
is this what truth
has now become
suddenly, a side swept side
bared parallel to the rest
beautiful yet incognito look at life worth lived
passively the sway of time turns timid girls to trembling terrors
the ancient rhythm rhymes
ether-real ethics-based redundant copulations
that some vagrant being with massed testosterone
and wielding weapon would muster
his forceful terror hence
masked so well
that a thousand times willful
the mask could cover
lies a mile deep
and at the end of trenching so
at least a foot was reached
victories of the night, of the day henceforth
are yet a microcosm
in the line of life's lipped sight
referral of mayhem to rapacious dense designs
the fool proof
will drain you dry and endless to its triumph triumphs.
- the petty pretty sigh

I ♥ AIR!!

2010-09-21T02:21:00.003-04:00

Surfing on a Rocket (remix by joakim) by Air

insomnia, lately

2010-04-28T02:30:00.001-04:00

goddamn i am so sick of insomnia
and taking ambien
i haven't felt sleepy in awhile.
i think that the times i can't sleep but want to but don't want to take ambien i can't because now i am reliant on it to actually fall asleep during this time.

i am tired as fuck. but i still can't sleep. i just lay in bed, and things go dark and scary.

sometimes, when it's really late and i try to and can sleep, my body falls asleep and i can't move my arms or legs. but my mind is wide awake. sometimes my eyes are open. but i can't move. sometimes i hear voices whispering or think i see things moving. i feel weight on my chest, lightly constricting my breath. it's my mind falling into a dream mode while my body is asleep but my brain is still conscious and presently aware of my surroundings. this goes on for about an hour or so, as my body falls asleep, my mind alert, fear in paralyzation grips me, and i seek all over for some nerve ending that i can control. maybe my little toe. that works sometimes. i try to wiggle it until i actually can, and then i jerk awake, body and mind. i lay back down again. repeat process, etc. the worst thing about this is that i get it all the time lately. no wait the worse part is that every single time i get it, i panic and freak out. it's happened to me enough, but every single time it happens, i am fully aware that i am conscious and cannot move a muscle and i just get all scared and that's what i think leads to what i like to call "dream hallucinations" - dream like occurrences that happen in the context and place of where your physical body is. one time i felt weight on my chest and saw above me a ghost tiger, with glowing eyes, running towards my face but never getting there. it's just weird stuff like that.

i just thought of a new phrase. instead of saying "doing x and x is such a bitch" you can replace that with "birthing bitch" original, i know right? :(

aha! i must exercise. i knew writing would show me the way. if i exercised, i would be so tired that i would fall asleep.

well last night for trying to sleep without being thoroughly tired, brilliant, lily. it's 2:21 and i have to wake up in 4 hrs. this is so much fun.

oh no! talking dog mania!!

2010-02-18T03:20:00.000-05:00

ABS Nationals has me super pumped!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-02-15T15:55:00.000-05:00

Last Saturday I was working at REI when I got a call from Hunter around 4pm. There was apparently some sort of competition that he sounded super excited about and didn’t find out about until last minute. Long story short, I convinced my manager to let me off work a tad early so I could go to Alexandria, VA to see the ABS Nationals Comp. Do you want to know who was there???? Among others… Alex Puccio, Alex Johnson, Daniel Woods, Paul Robinson, Matt Bosley, other awesome climbers that I don’t know because I only know a few of them awesome climbers…
http://usaclimbing.net/abs/home.cfm
BAD ASS!!!! The comp was crowded, small, and extremely legit. So anyways, Alex Puccio crushed the women’s side, Alex Johnson for a close second. Alex Puccio crushed also on the women’s final problem which was an overhanging very dynamic v8++++??? problem. The problem was so clean looking. I have no idea how it flowed because I didn’t talk to any of the climber(s) that completed it- Alex… and Alex? (Since I also don’t know them. I did see Alex Puccio talking to some people after the comp, and Hutner nudged me, and was like why don’t you go talk to her… No way, though. I was too much in awe to simply see her climbing before my eyes. Besides, if I were to approach Alex Puccio, what would I say? Wow you are an awesome climber and and and and good job and and you are an insane inspiration and and ….) To the men’s- Daniel Woods CRUSHED the men’s side. I don’t know why Paul Robinson did so horribly that night. Something was obviously off because he is super super strong.
All of this sounded better in my head when I thought of all the excited things I wanted to remember about the comp. The gyst of it is I AM NOW SUPER PUMPED ABOUT ROCK CLIMBING!!!!! To witness some of the strongest climbers in the country competing right before my eyes just did something to me. Now I am super pumped about climbing. Climbing is awesome. Blah. So anyways, I have to give climbing an award. Climbing, I love you. I have never had a serious mate. But since I met you almost 2 years ago, I have been continually and exponentially hooked. Climbing thank you for being a stern but rewarding master, and for continually keeping my body from going blah. I could go on, but my key point is that I have never successfully stuck with any sort of hobby or sport in my life for more than a year. High school sports don’t really count. Why? Because I had no real interest or skill in them, I just did them. Anyways, climbing I love you. Mwa.
So in other news, I was so super pumped about climbing, that the next I skipped church (BAD) and went to the gym in Columbia. Granted, it’s fake rock. Granted, it’s indoors. Granted Columbia is soft. BUT I did on-sight a V6, a V5, sent another V6 in 3 tries, and 2 more V5’s. Which is pretty strong for me to do in 3 hours, since I tend to project V6’s. Anyways it was my first (indoors = lame!!!) gym V6 onsight and so I am super proud of myself. Go lily. The end. I am going to have to maintain an uber amount of self-control and not go to the gym today after my 9 hour shift of retail work since I only had 2 hours of sleep last night.
In other news LISA RANDS has joined the ranks with LYNN HILL into being my two favorite female badass buttkicking climbers. Lisa has been climbing since she was 17. She is turned 35 this year. So that means she will be soon hitting 18 years of badass awesome fun-crazy-hardcore-brave-mentally attuned awesome climbing!!! Go Lisa Rands!!!!

Douchebag Party Invite

2009-11-03T09:34:00.000-05:00

One of my "friends" on Facebook is having a birthday party this month. In my inbox (I am not attending), but I still got this message:

Please be aware that a minor change has been made. I have gotten some STRIPPERS, (FEMALE)!!! Anyone under 18 will have to leave around 9:30pm. This girl will be topless and .... well you all get the picture. If you are offended by having a topless girl on you, don't bother showing up.

Please start to RSVP as soon as possible so I can get a head count. I am hosting a three day party for friends, coworkers, and family on different days. Anyone under the maybe will be counted as not going to show up.

If you are offended by meat, don't show up, if you hate guns don't step on my yard, if you hate asians don't step into my neighborhood!

Please be respectful of my townhouse, and please drink responsibly, if you do not know what you are about to drink ask someone what it is. If you are drunk, under no circumstances are you allowed to drive home, if you plan on getting drunk either plan on sleeping over or don't show up.

There will be a strip poker, don't like having fun, don't bother to show up, your a waste of time.

I invited you because either I like your personality or your company or because I respect you enough to have thought to invite you. Please do not bring you hoes, you niggas, you gang, your parents, your siblings, I WILL KILL THEM! (unless I know them, then they can stay for awhile)

GO CHINA!!!
-[name removed]

If you are my coworker, please show up to the nov. 21 party, better strippers will be there since it will be an all 21 year old or older crowd.

The biggest birthday party on the block!!! Some people cansleepover. Main meal will be provided consisting of asian food. please bring a dish tho. Please mark your name o your present so I can write a thank you letter.

Alcohol will be present A LOT OF IT, consisting of wine and beer.

If you cannot bring a food, bring beer or wine, I like sweet red or white wine, or guiness, don't bring the cheap stuff, go strong or go home, lol!

Please do not invite random people, people I actually know can come or past friends.

The first 25 people to request needing room and board will get it everyone else will have to leave around 1am sat morning

Presents - backpacking, rock climbing equipment, money, good wine, NO BEER, chinese food, asian chicks, lol

What a douchebag!!!!

Hilarious brother - Mr. Chi-City

2009-10-27T00:17:00.001-04:00

YouTube-er Chi-City
KILLS A BUG,
GETS HANDICAPPED TICKET,
GOES TO COURT,
FLOOR SEATS!!!

MUSIC: WILD BEASTS

2009-10-25T19:35:00.001-04:00

Yo peeps chak hout this band i just discovered they are mazin!... WILD BEASTS (myspace, iTunes - new album)

This second video "Hooting and Howling" is filmed underwater:

IN-EAR HEADPHONES: SENNHEISER CX300-B EARBUDS

2009-10-25T17:45:00.006-04:00

I just bought these Sennheiser CX300's on Amazon for $16.67 (Originally $49~) and I have to say, they are a great deal for in-ear headphones under $20. They come with different sized tips (I moved to the smaller ones), and have insane noise-isolating capabilities. Plus the bass on these guys are awesome. Read my review on Amazon here. I got them for listening to music at the school library because my other ones leak like crazy and I usually have to listen to my music very quietly (shhhhh) when I'm out and about. The thing I didn't take into consideration is the crazy amount of ear wax your ears are going to produce to combat the foreign object (earbuds) invading your canals.

DIY: HOW TO EMBED FLASH MP3 PLAYER INTO BLOGSPOT, (ANTLERS, WHITEST BOY ALIVE - "GOLDEN CAGE" MUSIC VIDEO)

2009-10-24T15:20:00.011-04:00

today, a rainy saturday, I took the time to learn how to embed a flash mp3 player onto my google blog. here is the article i used: "Blogger: Embed MP3 Flash Player" // Please enjoy the fruits of my labor below:

"Bear" - from album, Hospice, by The Antlers

"Burning" - from album, Dreams, by The Whitest Boy Alive

Also, here is "Golden Cage" a song by Whitest Boy Alive that I enjoy even more. This music video is pretty awesome because it outlines a couple contrasts I have been studying in my color theory class at MK:

PHILOSOPHY: RAMBLINGS ON FEAR AND TREMBLING

2009-10-22T11:13:00.002-04:00

kiekegaard seems to be the only philosopher that believes that the system cannot be fully understood

meaning, every known philosopher in history has declared that they found "the key" to existence- the ultimate truth- the ultimate system

kiekegaard regards himself simply a "supplementary clerk who neither writes the system nor binds himself to the system"

in the preface:

The poet or orator can do nothing that the hero does; he can only admire, love, and delight in him. Yet he, too, is happy—no less than that one is, for the hero is, so to speak, his better nature, with which he is enamored—yet happy that the other is not himself, that his love can be admiration. He is recollection's genius (p. 15).

meaning we are idealists - in that we are in love with ideas (perfect ideas - the hero) and not actual people.

this follows in how we view ourself and how we perceive others

that is how we are always striving for perfection

but how we can still be okay with ourselves is because jesus died for us and we don't have to be absolutely perfect (to be our ideal, the hero, flawless) to "win" life

"He is a man committed by a volitive act to perform some deed or adhere to some ethical code. The Knight of Faith is a man who is also brave, but in a different way. He adheres by faith to some impossible (absurd) telos [end, goal]."

"Resignation, a volitive act of brave resolve, was the force behind Isaac's sacrifice. The act of faith was Abraham's full expectation that God would return Isaac to him intact."

The single individual is higher than the universal (also the ethical)

it is "wrong" to say that all humans are higher than exterior reality

(exterior reality can never be fully accurately perceived and be verified as absolute truth - example the philosophy of science - even science, man's truth, is erroneous)

yet, in christianity and in our souls, beyond conscience (which can become dulled), we know that our belief inside us is the most important thing to us -

it dictates what truth outside of ourselves that we choose to embrace, therefore self-truth is the higher truth

therefore

we want to be sure that it is right

note: in ourselves - we see the ultimate truth - the absolute truth - the key to the meaning of life - not life for all, but for ourselves - for if our goal was that the meaning of life for all mankind was known, then that is what we want for ourselves (to know what is meant for all mankind, thus me) everything comes down to what is inside of us

evidently we embrace most exterior (universal) truths because they make sense to us - meaning we want achieve our own truth, and if exterior truths present themselves to us (and make sense to us), we will add them as true in ourself. ultimately, we don't add something because, for example: the universally embraced truth that "murder is wrong," we don't embrace because, it is according to the laws of the universe - evident in whatever (societal belief, etc), but because we feel in ourselves that yes, murder is wrong- meaning the possibility for murder to be wrong and not right is logical to us, based on the things we know, and the conscious built into us.

We embrace truths into ourselves when

> A source we fully believe tells it to us

> (most of the time) Our conscious agreed with it

> Our feelings move us

> We make logical conclusions of what we see, based on what we know

> Our upbringings justify it

note: I am not saying that absolute is ever fully known. it is not. It is impossible until we die and what we believed in is either affirmed, different, or we cease to think.

the single individual is higher than the universal because ultimately the most important thing to each individual is himself (what he embraces as true in his own mind) to each man, himself

when each man claims himself, there is noone left

so the individual is more important than the universal, for it is in his mind that truth is made fully apparent, and therefore truly adhered.

truth has weight (NOT that it is made valid) when the individual embraces and adheres to it

truth is nothing to us outside ourselves. meaning if we do not know a truth it does not mean anything to us.

i feel like i am endlessly cycling through the chicken - egg argument

just as the single individual is answerable to truth (God), so he is higher than the universal

can faith be level with God as ethical is the "law" (the OT) and cold?

our duty is to God, who laid down the ethical

if he tells us to do otherwise than the ethical, we obey for he as the author is the higher authority

the giver of the law may suspend the law

"Abraham's act is different. By his act he transgressed the ethical altogether and had a higher telos outside it, in relation to which he suspended it.... It is not to save a nation, not to uphold the idea of a state that Abraham does it; it is not to appease the angry gods.... Therefore, while the tragic hero is great because of his moral virtue, Abraham is great because of a purely personal virtue (p. 59)."

"This reminds one of the old dilemma as to whether something is wrong because it is wrong absolutely, or because God declares it wrong. If the former be true, then the moral law would appear to be higher than God, since it would be more fundamental. If the latter, one might posit that the moral law is not intrinsically right, but only provisionally so, that God might have decreed it otherwise. To my thinking, the only solution is that God's nature (from whence comes the law) is grounded in his being, so that this dilemma is non-existent. In other words, the dilemma presumes a chronology or evolution in deity. But questions of time are meaningless."

K: The paradox of faith, then, is this: that the single individual is higher than the universal, that the single individual...determines his relation to the universal by his relation to the absolute, not his relation to the absolute by his relation to the universal.

"Faith is the highest passion in a person"

NEWS: Smallest man on earth? 22 inches, and only 10lbs!

2009-10-16T16:21:00.008-04:00

You see this little guy? Apparently, he's the world's smallest man. He's 18 and he's only 22 inches tall, and weighs in at a whopping 10 pounds. I would panic if I was a freak... but what does he have to say?

“God is great. He made me small in size but has now given me big name. What else could I have asked for,” he said. According to his father, it hasn't always been like this, “As he grew older, he felt bad and became quite upset. But we always told him that God definitely had some big plans for him. We always tried to console him saying that size doesn’t matter at all.”

Well so he hated himself until he got famous. Then it was awesome.

"The student, who has learning difficulties and says his hobbies include 'playing with pebbles' and 'worshipping Buddha', also has his sights set on an arranged marriage – and children."

"I keep on telling my father to find me a small wife,” he said. “Now it’s up to him to find a right match. I would love to have children but have not yet decided about the numbers.”

Go little man, go!

Other headlines:

this just outraged me!
An interracial couple were denied marriage license on the basis that 'From my experience, interracial marriages do not last long' but 'I am not racist' Racist my ass!

from the article:

Bardwell said he has discussed the topic with blacks and whites, along with witnessing some interracial marriages. He came to the conclusion that most of black society does not readily accept offspring of such relationships, and neither does white society, he said.

"I don't do interracial marriages because I don't want to put children in a situation they didn't bring on themselves," Bardwell said. "In my heart, I feel the children will later suffer."

Racism is alive and well, folks!

how to induce sneezing

2009-10-14T21:35:00.005-04:00

sometimes, you just want to stop and you can't :( awww.

for all of you that are interested, here are some ways to induce sneezing:

Music: New albums added to my iTunes library, 10/2009

2009-10-13T09:58:00.001-04:00

2pac - all eyez on me

air - love 2

angels and airwaves - I-empire

angels and airwaves - we don't need to whisper

antlers - hospice

band of horses - cease to begin

band of horses - everything all the time

bill callahan - sometimes i wish we were an eagle

bob dylan - the freewheelin'

bob dylan - the times they are a changin

emiliana torini - fisherman's wife

emiliana torini - me and armini

flaming lips - soft bulletin

ghostface killah - ghostdini wizard of poetry in emerald city

girls - album

jj- jj n° 2

junior boys - begone dull care

junior boys - so this is goodbye

kings of convenience - declaration of dependance

kleerup - kleerup

LMFAO - party rock

massive attack - splitting the atom

modest mouse - no one's first and you're next

mos def - the ecstatic

muse - the resistance

passion pit - manners

patrick park - everyone's in everyone

patrick park - loneliness knows my name

pete yorn & scarlet j - break up

radiohead - ok computer

raekwon - only built 4 cuban linx pt II

regina spektor - far

snoop dogg - doggystyle

the xx - xx

volcano choir - unmap

wild beast - two dancers

yacht - see mystery lights

we live in a beautiful world

2009-10-12T21:35:00.002-04:00

we live we die we love we cry we desire warmth we desire loving we desire care we love our furry friends we like our houses our beds our books the sky the sun we like green grass we like alcohol and cigars and cigarettes and shorts and underwear and science and chairs and tables and we like leaves and seasons and water and the ocean and the beach and

we live in a beautiful world

we know how to laugh in every time and season when it is cold outside we go sledding and eat cake made of vanilla and fruit and pasty flour and we give each other presents and put marshmellows on our hot cocoa and then we plant bulbs which unfold as large flowers with thick petals the texture of moist foam and then we like to mow our lawns and have potlucks and make too much pasta salad and we like to throw a football or play catch with our kids and we like to wash our cars and play the radio from the cars on a sunny saturday and we like to take pictures with thin little digital cameras of our kids playing recreational soccer and we sit in fold out lawn chairs and we like flip flops and beer and asking for things on menus and bobbing our heads up and down to the music we like and throwing in an occasional whoop for kicks and we like making jokes when we stand too close to each other and we don't like drinking water from cups but they just taste better from bottles and we like our special drinks and we like sitting on dusty couches in coffee shops and we like to have our laptops opened out on our laps so that we can surf the internet and write comments on facebook and we also like to run into people that we know when we are out and about and we like to catch up and hang out and we like to party and we like to play such stupid games as beer pong and being mesmerized at household entities and we brace ourselves when we feel the wind comes but we makes all sorts of clothes so that whatever earth that God decides to lay out before us each day we can comfortable and naiively stand in the thrust of it and laugh and be picky and do whatever little thing we feel like doing and we like to try to stay healthy and we like to run with music and we like the fact that there is cold water in the fridge when we come back.

we live in a beautiful world

what's playin

2009-10-11T22:11:00.001-04:00

	Song Name	Artist	Album

1	things will never be the same ...	jj	jj n° 2
2	stillness is the move	dirty projectors	bitte orca
3	No Surprises	Radiohead	OK Computer
4	Kettering	The Antlers	Hospice
5	Lust For Life	Girls	Album
6	Psychic City	YACHT	See Mystery Lights
7	Mad World	Gary Jules	Donnie Darko Soundtrack
8	Black Tables	Other Lives	Other Lives
9	Ohio	Over The Rhine	Discount Fireworks
10	Is There A Ghost	Band Of Horses	Indie/Rock Playlist: Best Of
11	Fireflies	Owl City	Ocean Eyes
12	Lily, Rosemary And The Jack Of...	Bob Dylan	Blood On The Tracks
13	Lisztomania	Phoenix	Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix
14	No Way Down	Air France	No Way Down
15	Laughing With A Mouth Of Blood	St. Vincent	Actor
16	Two Weeks	Grizzly Bear	Veckatimest
17	See You	Dinosaur Jr	Farm
18	Breaking It Up (Punks Jump Up ...	Lykke Li	Breaking It Up (remixes) (CDS)
19	ecstasy	jj	jj n° 2
20	In Ear Park	Department of Eagles	In Ear Park

20 songs, 1.4 hours, 132.9 MB

bob dylan has been wearing cool pants since (pre)1962

2009-10-08T00:09:00.005-04:00

what i really need right now is the good stuff.

honestly i haven't partaken of my summer ritual since the start of school.

i'm debating whether to blow my next paycheck on expensive headphones or just some high quality shit.

because honestly with all the time i'm wasting WASTING with the dumbing down of community college i just need some good stuff

to just chill out

Last Olympics coming up / Detroit too broke to bury their dead- pile up at the morgue

2009-10-01T12:06:00.002-04:00

Apparently, according to the governor of Tokyo, (coincidentally the smartest expert on global warming in the whole world), has predicted that the upcoming 2016 Olympics will be the last. Because after that it's going to be too hot to compete. Of course, since there can only be one more, Tokyo should be the choice, since DUH Tokyo is waaay cooler than Chicago.

Also, Detroit is too broke (as a city) to bury their unclaimed dead. There is a pile up of 67 bodies in the freezer. Apparently people are too broke to bury their relatives, and the county has used up their allotted money for burying the dead. They had 21,000 dollars to spend and ran out in June.

Feces-covered nude man jumps into man's pool

2009-10-01T00:15:00.002-04:00

I am really curious as to what led to this scenario...

was he on fire/ did he think he was on fire?

ideas, anyone?

poop drenched dude breaks into backyard, leaps into pool
STUART, Fla. (AP) - A Florida man is facing charges after authorities said he was naked and covered in feces when he broke into a resident's backyard and jumped into the pool. A Martin County Sheriff's Office report shows 21-year-old Robert Stark Higgins was charged with burglary to an occupied dwelling, disorderly conduct and misdemeanor theft.
The resident told deputies he heard Higgins crash through the screen of his pool and take a splash Saturday night. Authorities said Higgins took a towel and fled. Deputies used a K-9 to track Higgins to a home. Higgins told deputies he had been drinking.

He was being held at the Martin County Jail on $10,500 bail. Jail officials said he did not immediately have an attorney.

sara jessica parker could possibly be the ugliest (wo)man(?) on earth

2009-09-11T19:29:00.004-04:00

this is not my first blog post on the ugliness of sjp but this picture was so horrifying that i had to put it on my own personal blog. i know right? i'm just glad i'm not a man who might unconsciously store this image in the brain to last longer... if you know what i mean...

http://www.wwtdd.com/2009/09/mummies-with-hoop-earings-pt-2/

More fatalities at Wal-Mart

2009-09-08T09:41:00.001-04:00

article here

Woman beaten to death at China Wal-Mart

(AFP) – 7 hours ago

BEIJING — A woman in eastern China was allegedly beaten to death by five employees of a Wal-Mart store who accused her of shoplifting, a police report and state media said Tuesday.

Police have arrested two employees from the store in Jiangxi province, while three others are being investigated, Jingdezhen city police said in a report on their website.

According to the report, the woman was beaten outside her home near the Wal-Mart on August 30 and died in a city hospital on Wednesday last week from injuries suffered during the beating.

Police said the five Wal-Mart employees had stopped the woman in the street and demanded to see her receipt, but she refused because she could not verify their identities, it said.

Following an argument, the five Wal-Mart employees began beating her, it said.

The English-language China Daily on Tuesday identified the victim as Yu Xiaochun, 37.

"They started to hit her because she didn't do what they said," the paper quoted her husband Chen Baolin as saying.

"I got there and tried to stop them but they kept beating her."

It was not immediately known if the woman had shoplifted, the paper said.

The beating intensified as she tried to telephone for help using her mobile phone, it added.

In a statement, Wal-Mart said it was "fully cooperating with the relevant authorities and will release further details as it is appropriate".

"We extend our condolences to the family of the deceased.... The incident and cause of death is the subject of an investigation."

hello fall

2009-09-05T10:19:00.003-04:00

fall will be here.
it's pretty much the end of summer.

this morning i went for a fast short run (1.7 miles) so i'll call it speed training.

I want to run TO places. like mayorga - 6 miles

or even my work, REI in Rockville (~9~ miles, depending on the route)

it seems more fulfilling than running endless circles around the neighborhood block

I am abstaining from
drinking alcohol
smoking weed
smoking cancer sticks

In fact i have given up the above entirely

I was more of an alcoholic this summer than after turning 21 ( a week ago)

I have drank a total of 2 beers in the duration of being 21. and no more will ensue.

SAD NEWS!!!
The other night I went to purchase beer for a party of sorts, and the lady at the beer store forgot to card me. this was the day after turning 21, my first time being legal in a beer store. Kind of disappointing. I asked her, "Wait, aren't you going to card me?"

She laughed and said she always forgets to.

Let me tell you: I DO NOT look 21. I look like a chubby little 16 year old with a ponytail and braces!!!

(SEE above picture!!)

BTW School has started. This fall I am taking classes from the very prestigious, Rockville's own, Harvard on the pike, aka Monkay Kollege, otherwise known as MC.

Here are the courses I am taking:

Environmental Biology

Color Theory

Nutrition (online)

Success Group (online)

That makes for a total of 12 credits (fulltime baby!)

Now I can continue to get health insurance until I am 23 whoot.

I only have classes two days a week. which is nice.

anyways, I am off to climb. at the gym. on a sunny saturday. oh yea

doggy names!

2009-08-16T09:31:00.002-04:00

Tikka
India
kira
allegra
ares
eres
banner
danner
badger
kace
benji
bruno
kash
Cole
dakota
dancer
ditto
dixie
zed
xed
hulu
zulu
wiley
willow
antonia
willa
BELLA

they pile shit with sand

2009-06-30T00:26:00.000-04:00

i hate politicians. and hate is a strong word.

last night

2009-06-11T15:23:00.001-04:00

Last night I ate shrooms. they were small and yellow. They smelled like boogers but tasted alright. I ate them with progresso soup. then i drank. and smoked some. everything was alright until my stomach started burning. i got up and calmly walked to the bathroom. i sat down for a sec when it violently hit me and i retched black bile. the shrooms were burning in my stomach. they went up my nose. it burned. i couldn't figure out how to get them out until 30 minutes later. it was painful. my stomach felt like it was on fire, rather my whole chest. i did see some strange things. but they were docile and more like statues. i saw a garden gnome. how lame is that.

2009-05-02T23:08:00.000-04:00

http://feedingamerica.org

what a load of bullshit

low income families are sometimes the fattest ones around

and meanwhile people insides are being eaten by themselves around the world. now that's hunger.

not being able to afford to eat the particular foods that you want is not hunger

starvation and severe weight loss is the result of hunger

and all we see is obesity in america

existing... or living?

2009-04-12T18:15:00.001-04:00

We live such different lives, from one day to the next. In a moment I'm with an acquaintance casually and mutually passing the time. In another moment, same time, next day, I'm violating personal space to the 5th degree. And in the next, I'm pondering over such differences we see in the worlds we delve into each day to the next. And I leave the place like the chaos I exist in is simply original, classic, and granted. Am I living? Or am I simply existing. It's full of life. Yet with me, you may know, will forget everything. And I mean it. A word, a situation, a scent, may bring back the memories in an uninviting (sometimes pleasing) flood. But on my own, I have no power to conjure up memories of my life, to know who I am- the circumstances that have brought me together to the jumble I am today. What is this senseless meaningless that I have put upon myself?

So I live in this chaotic life, with no control over the day to day destinies. But I am confident of this, my fate is sealed, my place is secure. And until yesterday I was firm on this. Today I have not crossed the threshold into a bane worry, but I do see such beliefs as naked without others to pretext the claims.

So I will make contact with my core. And ask the granted. Ask the difficult. That is, if I remember to. I may just forget, and tomorrow, a year from now, or even a half a century from now, I may remember this need for meaning, and necessitate the life examination that I have called to order today.

Let's hope I get to it soon. A bane existence or living my life is at stake here.

this just makes me laugh

2009-03-13T00:31:00.000-04:00

MD Section of the AT, 2 days, 40 miles

2009-02-17T20:52:00.000-05:00

9 things

2009-02-10T23:25:00.003-05:00

1. I regret not going to see this band last night at the black cat after reading this. (as much as i take the evaluations with a grain of salt....)

2. it's come that time again in the year to replenish my pen supply for my ever growing pen fetish. I was saddened to find out that my all time favorite, the Signo RT 0.38mm retractable pen was sold out so I snatched up refills to case into all the empty bodies i have lying around the house. Some new orders include this and this. I highly recommend JetPens, a great online store to purchase many great Japanese pens largely unavailable in the US. but they are in stock now!!!! i just found out.
3. The inauguration pics and recap are coming next.

4. Here are some pictures from my latest venture, a climbing trip to McDowell, on the WVA/VA border. The rocks weren't as swell as I imagined them to be, but the company and times were excellent. Many good conversations and great beef stew. Not to mention I actually slept in a tent this time. The worst part is that I didn't take any pictures when we actually climbed. So although this was mainly a climbing trip, I have NO climbing pictures! Even after coming back and climbing some more at Earth Treks, I have no climbing pics to show for. :( !!!!

pics here on facebook

5. Here are the latest new additions to my vinyl collection:

- Calexico - Carried to Dust
- Jack Johnson - On and On
- The Velvet Underground - VU
- Joni Mitchell - Blue
- Beach Boys - Pet Sounds + 2 More

6. Tell No One, last year's epic French thriller is OUT!!! Go rent/download/borrow/buy it asap and watch. Hang on to your chairses!!! I highly recommend this movie.

7. Song Download: If you like anime, you will like this song. Otherwise ignore. I recently watched paprika and liked the theme song. here (The
girl in Byakkoya - White Tiger Field (4.9538MB))

8. Last but not least: Bring a pillow when you can. I am always regretting the decision not to pack a pillow when I go on trips. I always tell myself I can bundle up my clothes and use it as a pillow but nothing compares to the real deal. Imagine the luxury! Even for a long car ride, a soft fluffy pillow will come in handy. Also, what about those times you have to crash at a friends? You don't want to borrow someone's ole pillow. you want your own! So carry one in the car in a trash bag or something. It's one luxury you can afford.

9. TODAY I just saw a rabbit killed by the car in front of me. that just made me incredibly sad. :(

Passion Pit, Paper Route, and Cale Parks @ the Black Cat, Feb. 3

2009-02-04T23:04:00.006-05:00

Last night at the Black Cat I saw the new rage band MGMT sound-alike Passion Pit. The only sad part is that they didn't play Cuddle Fuddle :(!

Cale Parks was synthy-opaque but substantial and Paper Route was surprisingly very good. Kinda of like Augustana.

Lykke Li at 6th and I Synagogue in Downtown DC

2009-02-01T01:12:00.004-05:00

I'm sooo happy!!!!!

I just saw the second best concert of my life: Lykke Li. She is only 22 and has amazing stage presence. It was sad, it was glad. She even used a megaphone and a kazoo. Here are some more pictures:

Los Campesinos w/Titus Andronicus, Jan 15th

2009-02-01T01:11:00.000-05:00

On January 15th, I saw Los Campesinos in concert at the Ottobar in Baltimore City, Maryland. Titus Andronicus opened for them. I didn't like Titus Andronicus as much but the performance by the farmers was swell. Here are some pictures.

"Our duty is to clean up the mess and stop the freak show that has become our government."

2009-01-10T13:33:00.008-05:00

- Rep. Jack Franks

Click Here for Article

Governor "I am wearing a toupe or having bad hair" Blagojevich has finally been impeached by the Illinois House.

Looks like democrats are standing up to alienate this messy feast from their state. in a vote of 114 to 1!

He's a pushy man, including trying to force a children's hospital to "pay to play"

My question is, when will he finally stand up and say, alright, you caught me! According to him, he is still acting in the best interests of the people of Illinois. riiiiiiighht.

In other news....

There are more obese Americans than merely overweight Americans in this glorious land:

"Numbers posted by the National Center for Health Statistics show that more than 34 percent of Americans are obese, compared to 32.7 percent who are overweight. It said just under 6 percent are "extremely" obese."

click here for article

and

Cops Bust a Meth Lab at a Funeral Home, in Arkansas, duh. And, the funeral home was right across the street from the sheriff's office. I wonder how long this operation was in progress...

click here for article

and

Somali Pirates Drown with Ransom Loot!

After they got their $3M ransom, they went on to drown as the boat flipped in a storm, 3 survived of the 8 but the loot and 5 pirates went down into the depths. Looks like hunting for buried treasure / at the bottom of the sea is still a worthwhile pursuit, as piracy is alive and well on this side of the world. Am I the only one who feels sorry for these impoverished pirates who finally got their share but then a squall from the heavens took them down?

click here for article

Backpacking in Dolly Sods

2009-01-05T15:02:00.004-05:00

Yesterday I finished up a 3 day backpacking trip in Dolly Sods, West Virginia. I don't know how much there really is to write about except for a few glitches along the way that kept contributing to the experience in a way that tied us down, the coldness of the place, and the surprising fun of it all. I think I'll post again about the trip once I get access to some pictures. Some highlights of the trip were hiking out to the campsite in the freezing snowy and windy darkness, traipsing across a frozen tundra with miniature streams hidden under the snow throughout, setting up and taking shelter in a $5 tarp, seeing tracks everywhere but no wildlife, minimal to moderate hiking trips, a brilliant fog that made visibility an issue but hearing acute, and a feast to recover at the end. Stay tuned... for the uneventful eventful Dolly Sods venture.

In other news, I made a list of new years resolutions, hope you have too. here are some:

*Note: not in any particular order

- Start running again

- climb with a serious fervor

- read more

- write more

- get college credit

- don't smoke at all

- be a better friend

- do more outdoors trips

and that's it sooo far.

I hear gym memberships go up this time a year due to all the new resolutions that countless Americans make....

I opt for living more fiercely, fighting for honesty and conscious reality, deliberate actions in time that speak good for others and self, and yea....

R.I.P. Abby Bear

2008-12-11T22:48:00.000-05:00

i will not write about this. i am still in shock. i don't even know if i should post this picture. i can't believe it.

not much to write about. just another day. in which i slept in until 4:30pm because i can.

2008-12-09T00:08:00.005-05:00

well i don't have that much to write about but i thought i would blog. i just hung out with my older brother joel for the last time for this month until christmas. we had pizza night at jerry's and then headed over to growlers. the only time i can drink there is when it is crowded, which it wasn't so i had a red bull, which is now accellerating my typing speed as we speak. he needs to shave! here is a picture i just took now. see?

Have you ever done yard work and looked over at the neighbors yard and think, they need to do some yard work in their yard too? Well I think that’s what the neighbors think of our yard. Our bamboo trees are dying. The garden is a mess. The blackish yellow carcasses of once glorious tomato plants are draped over the neighbors yard to the left. To the right, the blueberry bushes have gone skeletal and grass grows tall around it. Occasionally our dog Abby snacks on the long grass when she feels the need to vomit in the backyard. In the garden patch by the house, several cucumbers have started to dry out. Unlike gourds, they are black and squishy.
ok that's all.

i'll go climbing tomorrow right before work at 3pm. i'll go running tomorrow maybe, but it's so l;kasjdfl;ksjf cold!

Writing of Bermuda

2008-12-03T22:11:00.003-05:00

Last April I went backpacking to bermuda and I found some writing of it, so i will post it here. In other news, i just climbed my first V5 the other day :D :D

My Travels: each and every of my trips are out of the ordinary and take a little more creativity, nerve and guts then the typically comfortable route of the american tourist

so here it is: the travels of i

the world as my backyard

chapter 1: backpacking in bermuda

so the initial plan was london. stewarts fam was this time around situated in the grand ole uk and it only took a 20 mile hiking trip to come to the idea for spring break.

it was... not called for- you know, the usual conversation college students engage in, places they want to go, countries to visit, cool people of places met, etc

i had driven out from gaithersburg md to purcellville, va, about an hour's drive for a long day hike on the AT. we were going to start at Raven's Rock and make north for harper's ferry, come home and make a meal or something. it was tim raveling, sophomore at patrick henry college and stewart lundy, a junior, also at phc. i had done this hike 3 or more times with tim and other phc students before. i was a little apprehensive- it had been more than 6 months when i last hiked more then 15 miles. i was a little late, even though i left home early, but we did eventually set of on a decently overcast morn around 9:30am. we walked. that's it. and while walking, talked. about the current status of our lives, school, people we know, music, movie, books, and history, and things we wanted to do and see and places we wanted to go to, life after college, careers, etc. aka, the typical conversation.

blast. geez, their shower was dirty. but it felt good to be clean after hiking up 18 miles of grime. it was an icy then muddy walk, various landmarks laid out etch a sketch my year before at phc. good times.

tim was making dinner - it smelled good and i think i picked to often at the red onions simmering in the jack daniel's sauce

stewart... or was it tim? sat up and said, 'what if we just... go somewhere for spring break?' stewart wanted to go to ethiopia. the laptops before us said no- ticket prices to africa were hefty. we tried asia. the same. europe? tickets to the uk were not too bad. "we could hike hadrian's wall" stewart i swear almost giggled at showing up on his parents doorstep during spring break, what a surprise that would be. dublin? irish pubs, hell yea! but still we were looking at around $500 per person. then, us, n our innocent youth, derived NOT to purchase any tickets whatsoever, but the moment class got out, head over to the local airport in the morning and demand to be sent out of the country, (with fingers crossed for great britain.) it was february? middle of the month i recollect.

in the next few weeks i tried to keep my excitement and plans on the down low, telling nobody. i requested off work for that time, with the excuse that i was probably going caving in west virginia ( i have never been caving). in my mind, i laughed silently at my insanity. we were 3 poor college students, deliberately choosing NOT to plan! it was madness, and brilliance! i had no idea AT ALL what would happen during spring break, or even more importantly where the hell we were going. it was comfort to me, and carried me through- dropping all my classes- one which i dropped by accident, and it occupied my thoughts, even when i got to go rock climbing outside, something that i rarely get to do. yet i was crazed, silent, smiling, imaginative. it could have easily gone nowhere. and that's what we thought when

one bright morning, the 19th of march, i asked my mother to take me to dulles airport in sterling. the coolant pipe in my car had broken off, causing coolant to drain from my car, and causing the engine to overheat within 30 minutes of running. so i was screwed, especially looking into the cost of fixing it- i had to buy another coolant tank, running around $300 for the part itself. i doubted i could install it myself, but when you're broke, that's kinda what you have to do- scrounge around for tools in the house, and utilize to the maximum the powers of google and internet car repair forums. at the time i needed to fix my car, which had just broken a few days before spring break, i had almost no money in the bank, probably about $200 with all my accounts combined. so i loaned 200$ from my parents, and crossed my fingers. the night before the drive to the airport, i had fled scuba class because i had left my bathing suit at home and was also tired from a long shift at work. all in all, i was a broke quitter, hiding from everything important. if i didn't go on this trip, which i had knowingly no idea what it held i knew things could blow up for me, i was due and ripe for disaster. so the break was also going to be for me a flee, an escape from responsibility and necessity. good.

it was early and cold! i was glad i brought a wind shell. all i had packed up was in a 40 liter backpack on my back. i also brought running shoes and a digital SLR camera. so i felt a little shamed when i saw that tim and stewart had packed much less. it was a day ago that i talked to tim on the phone and he told me that max shrumpf, their roommate decided he was coming too. i didn't tell my parents that i was planning to flee the country with three boys. oh well. it just sounded strange, i knew each one of them was fine and cool. still, it felt a little strange.

with packs strapped on our back, tim, stewart, and i entered the dulles airport. apparently max was still awaiting the arrival of his passport and didn't come this time.

it was awkward at first, but after the first try, it got easier.

"Hi.... we're basically 3 poor college students who want to fly out of the country for spring break."... "um specifically? the uk we hope... oh. okay. thanks. bye."

the airport was filling up. we were there at how early? 8 or 9 am. not too early. it was bustling. there were no tickets to be found. instead, most desk attendants at the various airlines, advised us against what we were doing- or rather the method of it. the internet, the commended to us. sigh. back to square one.

but another hole to crawl through was found - airline 1-800 numbers. from jet blue to taca to united airways there were 3 various youth buzzing of by windows with packs, requesting to be sent anywhere.

i called taca. an airline like ... taco. apparently they only had flights going out to countries in south america. and all the tickets to south american countries were gone. PROOF of the vast amounts of illegal immigrants in the US the freaking airline sells out!

then tim called jetblue again. rebecca? the name of the phone attendant...? she found tickets to a place called bermuda, for 525 dollars, leaving in 3 days on sunday, tim cupped a hand over his cell, and called out to stewart and i. all that went through my mind was a book when i was ten or twelve. it was about the bermuda triangle, a mysterious whirlpool that swallowed up ships and sea worthy vessals. it's out there in the carribean, said tim. okay, i'm in i said after maybe 2 thoughts - the recollection of the book and the color of the water there.

525$ is a lot of money to pay for a plane ticket. but then again, it's not the death. at $500, the ticket beckoned to me, it's vitality. it wasn't a $500 ticket to puerto rico or costa rica. it was "bermuda" to me an island aligned with scientific mystery. excitement is worth $500. i could survive $500. yea... yea, i could!

----

bursting out in the rain: the moment we landing in bermuda, i unbuckled and popped up. i was excited and wanted out. i looked up the window, already i knew it was stormy and at a minimum raining. we had experienced turbulence on the way in. ii put on my raincoat, caught a breath and with a heave pulled my pack over my back and buckled up, bursting out of the plane in the pouring rain. it was warm, not hot, not cold. nyc was cold. sterling was windy. bermuda was warmish. and rainy. as we entered the terminal, we walked by a middle-aged native man, set up by tourists i love you and your money, wearing a hawaiian shirt, and playing jolly ole island music on a small guitar. the americans before and behind me were happy by this show of hospitality. we checked out, all of us passing through customs, lying through the teeth that we planned to reside at "aunt nia's inn" we exited the airport and taxi drivers hailed us, trying to get us to enter their miniature vans. a lively elderly black man succeeded in apprehending us and led us across the street to his vehicle. he had a strong british accent and his car played island music from the 1950's. "where to?" "are you heading to St. George?" "what hotel" "where in st. george do you want to go?" "are you going to st. george's club?"

"uh... sure" said stewart, not sure what he was saying sure to. so the taxi drive took us away from the airport, across a bridge, to a little hotel / cottages in the town of st. george, called st. george's club. max went inside and got maps. it just hit me now, that i never entered the hotel the taxi took us to. i just waited outside each and every time we found ourselves there.

every time we passed a cluster of loitering happy locals, i kept thinking of the lines in the jack johnson song, holes to heaven, the part when they sweet talked local officials and bribed them with cigarettes and booze. and after a trip to one of the many many liqueur shops within the second day, during stewart and max bought aged bacardi rum, the words were quite fitting, as we found havens from the weather around the island, in trails and on the beaches, with obvious markings of local hangouts- many butts and bottles, and cartons for seats. tim carries tobbaco, paper, pipes, and pipe tobacco, max a variety of cigarettes, and every time we sat for a bit we brought out the rum and the tobacco. we didn't carry food, just the essentials, as you can see.

...tbc.

The Obsessed Me: Climbing

2008-11-17T13:43:00.002-05:00

Hi, my name is Lily Cornett and I like climbing. No, I love climbing. Right now i'm writing with a bit of a grimace because my right hand and elbow is sore. For reasons unknown. Undoubtedly, climbing related. I'm a novice climber and my main passion lies in the wicked sport of bouldering. (Climbing short routes or boulders that consist of single or few problems, ropeless, and more focused (I think) then toproping or trad climbing.) I'm writing this not because I'm an expert of any sort, but because I'm in the process of learning the art of climbing and I think it would be helpful to document my attempts and my trials of error.

I don't really know why I started climbing. I was mainly a toproper in a gym in Rockville, committing about 2 times a month from January 2008. But from June I started going twice a week, and I was passionately hooked. During the summer I had a decent share of toproping out at Carderock, MD with some friends. Climbing outside, I learned a lot about balance and using tiny holds, since Carderock is mostly slanted rock and you climb better that way. During this time, I was climbing solid 5.9's and V1s at Earth Treks.

I took a break from climbing to travel to Japan for two months in August 2008. I had been climbing for two months. But even in Japan, I found people to climb with. I bouldered twice a week. When I came back, the wall at Earth Treks had been done over and none of the climbs had been rated yet. I worked on V3s and some V4s (unknowingly). Not knowing the ratings is a beautiful thing. You learn to focus on the climbs for what they are, not blindly following a botched rating system.

I left Maryland for two and a half weeks to campaign for a friend's political race in rural South Dakota.

When I came back I went back to Earth Treks, and progressed to being a solid V2 climber, solid 5.9s and shaky on the 5.10s. I sent most V3's and also, as of recent, 2 V4s. My goal is to be by the end of this year, a solid V4 climber. I like V4 rated climbs better than V2s and V3s because they are getting more technical and more like a fun puzzle. I am learning a lot by attempting V4s. I don't really care what ratings I climb in the long haul. I just want to possess the techniques required to climb them.

The reason I think I'm shaky on the 5.10s but more confidant on V3s and V4s is because the holds are smaller on 5.10 climbs and the routes are longer. I think with a little physical training, I'll become a solid 5.10 climber. My goal by May is to be a solid 5.12 climber.

Here are some of the things I learned so far:
Chalking Up:
Chalk up, but AFTER you tie in. Focus on what you are doing and you won't end up doing prep work out of sync before a climb. Plus, you'll probably climb better. Don't overchalk. If you are working on a sloper, then fine, chalk up. But when you are at the gym, most likely you're just overchalking to build unnecessary friction. Rely on proper technique and weight distribution rather then blindly chalking and throwing clamp holds. Do you really need to squeeze that hold so much it'll pop?

Rope:
Trust it. That means, with confidence, commit to the next move and go for it. But don't use a rope to constantly break or lean back on it to pull over a lip. Find a break spot without leaning back on the rope and you'll get better at finding rest spots should you start trad climbing.

Legs:
Other than using proper footwork, ever know what the leg where your weight isn't on doing? Is it flagging? Is it just flailing around? Are you using it to scrape your way up to the hold that's just out of reach? Pay attention to what you usually leave up to the unconscious mind. If your like me, a novice climber, it's probably not doing the best thing it can do. Why not? Well you don't have proper footwork down as a skill. Most people don't. If you dont focus on doing it the right way or using it at all, you'll most likely waste the extra leg, or worse, make it more difficult to complete the move. Rather than letting the leg hang on some moves, use the idle leg to assist, by flagging, scraping up, drop knee, whatever and try to use all those limbs that God gave you to make the next move.

Visualize:
Focus on what hand will reach for what hold before you climb. Visualize how you will climb a route. BUT ALSO visualize what footholds are going to allow you to reach which holds. Footholds, I am slowly learning, are the key to reaching handholds properly. And this varies person to person. So in light of your height and your reach, visualize what footholds are good and when to use them in hand with handholds.

Finger touch:
If you can just make contact with a hold, with even just a finger, you can wrap around to reaching the hold. Trust me, just making surface contact you'll stick to the hold. And if you can reach a finger, put a little more oof into it next time- stick your knee further over a hold and reach, and you'll probably tag the hold this time around.

Stick it:
Just force yourself to stick it. Keep your arms straight. You'll be surprised that you have the strength to hold a move. IT'S SOOOO MENTAL! Remember, that when you keep your arms straight you are using your skeletal structure and not muscle and you'll last longer on the rock. Also, when you get up there sometimes you'll be like, whee I can't believe I got this far. I am GOING to send it. Let yourself get determined and more confidant as you are climbing. It's really not that hard!

Falling is okay. That's what pads are for.

Downclimb:
Take a moment to find yourself. Rest your hands. Look down at the holds. Then downclimb. You'll be surprised at how confidently you take most of the weight with your feet. If only we climbed up this way!

Slopers:
I love what little slopers I have worked on. They are good for you. Good for learning proper pull and placement. they force you to concentrate on how you hold them, and where you are pulling/placing your center of gravity. Try to keep you arms straight, and weight pulling down directly under them. Otherwise you can slip off.

Step into:
Step into a foothold and reach with confidence. If you step and then reach your body may fall back and you'll miss the hold. Well if this happens in some cases then you are not relying on your feet. But on overhanging walls, you need to reach as you are stepping. Use the momentum, for a reach, and not waste energy pulling with the other hand.

Deadpoints:
These require stepping up with confidence and carefully flagging the idle foot. I suck at these and am still learning. But I love deadpoints because of their dynamic nature. I really am alert when I commit to them.

Rests and Confidence Building:
Take rests. Don't just keep climbing and pumping out. Work on a climb with a straight head. That way you'll climb it in 2-3 tries and not 15. Focus on what you are doing, but also build a commitment that you are going to climb a problem. Be confident and smart as you plan your next method. And then climb the route with such confidence, head-on-straight manner, and thinking progressively as you climb. If your like me, technique is not yet second nature and you have to think as you go, but also, commit to sending the route. Don't muscle your way up there though! This is easier to do in the gym.

For Rizzle is the Shizzle:
Climbing outside is harder, and more scary because of the lack of padding. However it is Better. Yes, it is. Climbing outside has more crimp holds and slopers, requires more dynamic movement sometimes, and you have to think consciously about how you are going to use the holds in relation to footwork and where you body weight will be pulling. Climbing outside requires a lot of conscious technique work. The holds are not just freebie clampers like all the man made ones in the gym. If you want to build technique, I'm telling you, because I learned the most out of climbing outside- Outside is best. Plus you get to grapple with the rock, struggle with it, and come to love it.

No Obsessing:
Don't dream about and obsess about climbing when you are not. Have fun. Otherwise you'll end up like me and start blogging about all the little tiny things you are thinking about climbing related. It's baaaaaaad.

And that's just a little about what I am learning while climbing. I can't wait till my older brother Joel gets home tonight and my arms heals so I can hit up the rock or the gym again with him!

The Power of the Phone

2008-10-29T12:47:00.002-04:00

what's next? we have people calling us from other countries for tech support and advertising. but now we have something else- campaigning. i think it's pretty cool and amusing: it testifies to everything you can do with something small. in this case, the phone.

Tue Oct 28, 1:07 PM ET

Palestinian Ibrahim Abu Jayab, 24, is seen next to his computer, in his family house in Nusayrat refugee camp, central Gaza Strip, Tuesday, Oct. 28, 2008. A young Palestinian in a Gaza refugee camp is doing his part to get out the vote for Barack Obama. With a little help from the Internet, 24-year-old Ibrahim Abu Jayab is cold calling random American families from his parent's home imploring them to vote Obama. (AP Photo/Khalil Hamra)

Campaigning/canvasing, my prodigy, tumbleweeds

2008-10-28T14:38:00.004-04:00

I'm in cold windy South Dakota campaigning for my friend Isaac Latterell. Today I'm working on a website for him that answers some questions presented by the tiny Aberdeen newspaper here.

That's where I am- Aberdeen!

It's definitely a struggle to campaign. There are many things to weather here, including, the weather, the candidate (haha), the bias, and the essence of time, which in this last week is quickly coming to a close.

One thing for sure: I am having fun, and I am learning a lot!

Isaac's little brother Matt, has started making YouTube vids, alongside my help with a tad edit. The vids are made with a digital camera so forgive the quality. This 12 year old is quite the talent!

I saw my first tumbleweed on Sunday!! That alone has made my trip worthwhile.
Here is a tumbleweed attacking isaac:

US Prez sighting and Kayaking

2008-10-14T07:10:00.004-04:00

Well hello there. Yesterday I got to see the prez of the US, along with the Italian prime minister, Laura, and Condi Rice on the Southlawn of the white house.

I unfortunately only had my 50mm f1.8 lenses, so I couldn't get too many close ups. Anyways it was worthwhile, although at the beginning my borrowed shoes were getting to be a pain. Renee and I aerated the grassy lawn of the white house with our heels. I had to stand on my tippy toes to keep from sinking (once more). I am lucky to have a friend like Renee who has such close connections to the president!

After I got home from riding the metro, I went back into DC, this time to go kayaking. It was the rizzle deal, with a spray skirt and life jacket and helmet and all. I learned how to exit from the kayak when I get flipped over- tuck your head down, slide your knees up, all while yanking off the spray skirt. I love kayaking! I want to get better!

So this evening, I put out for $140 shoes from REI, they were the La Sportiva Miuras, size 38. I normally wear shoe size 8.5 and my old climbing shoes were evolv 41!!! So this is quite the change.

Lykke Li Coming to BLACK CAT Sun Oct. 19

2008-10-10T00:44:00.009-04:00

Hello, I'm back in the good ole US of A. First thing I did after I got back was go bouldering, even tired! More posting on my last days in Japan coming. but now this:

Lykke Li Coming to BLACK CAT Sun Oct. 19

very very - so good - scandinavian pop

Lykke Li & Bon Iver doing 'Dance Dance Dance' in L.A

Lykke Li "I'm Good, I'm Gone

Also check out the single "breaking it up":

Bouldering in Honjo, Party in Kamo

2008-09-29T01:37:00.001-04:00

My good friend Shoko decided to throw me a good bye party! Also, the day of, Ochi took me bouldering for one last time. Kenta-san came along with Shoko, and the four of us spent the day at the ocean, playing around with musical instruments, trying to sing, trying to climb and just goofing around.

That night we went to a restaurant where Ochi works and ate and drank well. We later took taxis to a Karaoke box and sang. (this was my first time in a karaoke box!) We then crashed at Ko-chan's room in Kamo. Overall it was a great party and a great night!

Soba, an Old House, and the sighting of a street musician

2008-09-29T00:49:00.002-04:00

This past week, Miyako-san took me to Bundekkashokkan- a rich farmer's house from Edo-period Japan. It's right down the street from the house. After looking at the house and having a traditional Japanese tea ceremony, we ate Soba at a Soba house in the garden of the home. It was Izumo style, where three plates of soba are stacked upon each other. YUM!

That night after I came back from gym climbing (a very good night in which i conquered two 4Qs woot!) There was a young man singing Bob Dylan style in front of Izumoshi Station. There was no one there because it was soo late at night (11:30PM) and plus, it's the countryside. His song was okay, but his voice was even better.

My Day Off

2008-09-23T10:46:00.004-04:00

Well hello there, it's me Lily. Today I went to Matsue in the morning and met up with Tanaka-san. We went to her secret rock climbing practice wall outside in Matsue and I struggled with the face. (I don't have any pictures because that's right, it's a SECRET!) Anyways, we later bought some onigiri (Rice balls woot woot) and headed over for M-Wall, the rock climbing gym I usually frequent on Tuesdays and Fridays.

We ate lunch outside; Tanaka-san eats lunch like a kid from a third world country.

It was nice outside and so was standing in front of the great heavy metal gates of M-Wall. We opened up the place and started climbing.

Ochi showed up and sent a route I have been struggling with for weeks wearing nice jeans, a nice shirt, and dress socks. He is a spider! Later, Tanaka-san's friend Masuo and her older sister showed up fer some climbing. I started to get sweaty and tired so I stepped out of the gym.

Outside I talked to Shoko on the phone and looked over at my arm. A massive mosquito landed above my elbow and started to pump me for my money. I watched it swell then lazily swatted at it as my conversation ended. My finger held almost a full drop of red blood and from the other finger the mosquito limply fell to the ground. Ochi was leaving and I waved goodbye, he turned and drove towards my direction. I waved again and called out it was good seeing you, etc. But he stopped and asked what I was doing on Saturday. This man is lazy! I asked him if Shoko had talked to him about the party on Saturday night, and he said no. So I said you will find out. He started to say something else, but a car behind him honked at him so he waved his box of orange juice at me and drove off.

It got more and more crowded and a quite Saturday morning had churned into a bustling air-fanned noisy afternoon. It was a different crowd then that of the usual Tuesday or Friday nights but it was fresh and new. But I wasn't. I was beat. Swimming the other day near Hiroshima made me tired.

Shoko called me to ask me where the heck I was. I forgot! I was supposed to meet her at Adachi Art Museum in Matsue! I apologized but let her know I would be a little bit. She decided to wait but her friends had to leave so she introduced me on the phone. I talked to them for a little while, getting acquainted in mixed japanese, then english. Then I left the gym.

Where was Tanaka-san taking me? To the Adachi Bijitsukan- Matsue Museum of Art. It's a beautiful gray-cut building right alongside Shinji Lake. During the day you can look out the window and see wake boarders make mistakes and capsize into the water or you can step outside and walk along a trail of copper life-size rabbit statues to the water's end. If you stop to pet the one right before the last- the second to the last, they say you'll meet your lover soon. I poked the rabbit the other time I was there. Mie-san, the girl who took me to the museum the other week stroked the rabbit like she was desperate. I think she spent over 30 seconds petting this copper rabbit, selectively garnished with a flower necklace and coins galore at its feet. I chuckled inside. The Japanese make me laugh. What I like about the museum is three things.

First, it's right by the wondrously misty Shinji lake, where I enjoy biking to from Izumo. (Being out of breath after biking 30 km and staring at ducks in a fog-filled lake while panting and gulps of water makes one dreamy).

Second, and most importantly, the museum has one painting that I liked especially, that being "The Wild Sea" by Claude Monet. (I can stare at it for probably 10 minutes or more and still want to look again- black gray rocks much like Izumo's clashing with the waves. And as much as the waves beat up against the dark earth they are for the most part settling back out to home- the milky blue sea)

Thirdly, the museum is showcasing a special exhibit on Eric Carle, the famous children's illustrator that I grew up reading. That is where I was headed. To meet up with Shoko and see this man's handicraft.

back to today:

When we got to the museum it was around 4:45 and I felt like such a dope because I promised to come earlier. And I hadn't seen Shoko in like a whole week or longer. So I missed her and this was no way to treat a friend! The Eric Carle exhibit was too short. But also very natsukashii! I bought some more postcards. Japan is profiting from my massive purchase postcards, daily weekly regularly. I love these artsy postcards. I am an addict.

it was a weird but good night and here's why:

We waited for Shoko's sister to pick me up and take me to the train station. blah blah blah. poof I am at the train station. I had 40 minutes to kill and no book to read and overplayed songs on my 15-dollar mp3 player so I bought some dried squid and light light beer. I am ojiji! (likes the habits of old men, for example i have braces so i use a toothpick). The station was empty, as the next local train would come in 40 minutes. I sat down on a bench, and start gnawing on the squid and sipping the light beer. BAD LILY! An older man dressed neatly sat down a couple benches down. I casually glanced at him, but that sent him over.

"Where are you from?" a pause. "Where are you from? Venezuela?"

Usually Japan is very safe. It really is. It was tonight. Aside from two drunk men consecutively trying to make conversation with a tired foreigner wearing a red american eagle sweatshirt and carrying a massive bright orange top-loading 35L pack filled with climbing gear and clothes...

I decided to play dumb because I didn't know whether he was drunk or simply wanted to brush up on his English skills.

"WHAT? Where am I from?" I finally responded. I pointed to myself and said, "America. I am from America."

In Japanese he muttered, oh she doesn't understand. [he paused] where are you from? where? are you from matsue? are you from nage?

I responded, "I'm sorry I don't understand you." I help up my hands and sheepishly grinned.

I should have walked away but I wanted to see what he would try to say next. Besides there were people around, he was far from me, and the worst I could do was make a fool of myself in another country.

It went on for a little bit, he would say something like, (in japanese) I am going to nage. where are you from (in japan)? i am sorry i don't know any english. i am sorry. i am forgetting it all. i am drunk. i am sorry. the train will come soon. i am going to nage. you're a cute one. how old are you? are you twenty? i am sorry. i don't know english. i am drunk. i am sorry....

(THE first person in Japan to guess my age right, the third to blame their lame english skills on being drunk)

oh you are drinking beer, he said, motioning to my asahi clear. I hid the squid and picked up the beer and said, "This? Do you want it?" I held it out to him, and he said, "No, no, no" it's okay. i don't need a the beer in the trashcan beside me. bad move to have the beer!

I knew it was best for me to stand up and leave. And as much fun as I was having hearing him try to communicate with me while being drunk (even calling a friend to ask him what "from" meant), it wasn't right proper to carry on a conversation with a drunk old man in another country, as harmless as it might appear. (yea right) Which was perfect timing because Miyako-san called me. I stood up and said, "bye bye", pointed to my phone, picked up my backpack annymore. (BAD MOVE i will never casually drink even the most girlish lightest water-like beer in public places again.) I promptly dumpedd left. I walked to the opposite end of the station.

(NOTE: Here is why I didn't stand up to leave right away. In HIROSHIMA, where I spent this past weekend, Japanese people are constantly coming up to you to either speak english, or make sure you aren't lost or something or to say "welcome to hiroshima, where are you from?" So coming from this fresh experience I was at ease with conversing with strangers in a safe public setting. Besides other than a desire to practice english, japanese people won't strike up a conversation with you unless they have good reason.)

I sat next to a group of old ladies bickering about when the next train was coming. I started gnawing on the squid, missing the superlight beer, for beer goes with squid. I glanced over the platform. Young women reading manga or surfing on their cell phones. An older woman drinking tea from a bottle wrapped in a handkerchief. And, a man i saw earlier in the first area where the drunk man tried to talk to me. At the benches there were two other people who minded their own business. A woman, who went away, and later, a man who sat down to eat dinner and chuckled at the old man struggling to make conversation with me. He walked over to me and spoke in english, "I want to apologize for that drunk man over there. Please don't think the Japanese are like that. Japan is a very safe country." I said, "Nihongo wakarimasu yo." (I understand japanese) His face turned to surprise and then he laughed. He repeated in Japanese, apologizing for the drunk man's behavior, bothering me for conversation. "I know you might not want to be bothered but I am going to San Francisco next week and I want to brush my english skills. My first time to America. Can I practice little english with you? If not, it's okay." He got up to leave.

"No, It's okay. I don't mind. Please sit," I responded, motioning him to sit down on the bench. "I will practice a little english with you."

But the train came and I got on the train and so did he. "Do you still want to practice," I asked. He did so we sat down in one of those four seater spots- to benches facing each other. The other passenger was a woman trying to sleep. oops.

The story gets long and it's getting late and I am always one to end far from perfection.

All I'll say is that it ended well I got home safe, and I got to peer yet again into who the Japanese are from a series of interactions with random strangers during a time of transit.

When Kinetsu-san picked me up, I made a puzzled face and said, shouldn't you be drinking sake- it's late. he responded that he would when we got home, and i then knew i was back in peaceful normal izumo, guesting at the home of miyako-san and kinestu-san.

Hiroshima Trip!

2008-09-23T09:59:00.006-04:00

My Hiroshima Trip was September 20-22:

20: Day 1:

Peace Park

Day 2:

Hiroshima MOCA, where I spent over 4 hours looking at art by Masuo Ikeda

Hiroshima Shikkeien Japanese Garden

Tokyu Hands Shopping

Swallowtail Backpacker's Bar with Kiyo

Day 3:

Road trip to Namikicafe and the beach there

Beach biking

2008-09-19T16:36:00.005-04:00

Here is what is part of the general scenery: Rice patties everywhere! This is the land of Pachinkos, the gods, rice fields, bad wine, good water, and good sake.

After english class, I went biking to the beach. Last night I gym climbed for 3 hours. It was amazing. Friday was ladies night, so the gym was crowded. It cost me 250Yen to get in! That's under 2.50US! Here are some beach pics below:

Reading the Four Loves by Lewis, halfway through eros

Bird watching / spying on North Korea?

The sky!
My quickly gathered shell collection:
This is at about 4pm

Grudges, cleanliness, a boring concert, the lake, kimono and castle pictures

2008-09-07T05:49:00.005-04:00

Some pictures from kimono and castle day:

Rie-san is trying on different wedding dresses:

I tried a WAAYYYY to expensive one on for kicks:

The Japanese pride themselves in not getting angry. But they are excellent at holding grudges. In fact by holding back anger so much, grudges are unconsciously customary. I made that observation to Miyako-san today, because she kept going on about how the Japanese are so well at holding back anger. But the reason why is tied into the inevitable all-controlling, all-limiting culture of tradition and manners. The reason why we rotate our cup of matcha twice and the reason why we say certain polite phrases for a myriad of occasions also ties into the way we present- and control ourselves. It really frustrated me when I came to Japan. You are unable to confront another. I think this is wrong. For Japanese, it's just something you don't do.

Another observation:

The Japanese have a fetish for bathing and cleanliness. If cleanliness is next to godliness, then the Japanese are super gods! They bathe daily, if not twice. They carry a towel with them to wipe sweat and a handkerchief to wipe their hands. The bathrooms are immaculate, the houses are spotless and cleaned regularly with fury. Even my hygiene has bumped up a scale due to the customs surrounding me. I did not know people could be so clean until I came to Japan!

The Japanese are the cleanest people on earth that I have observed. They are so clean! Daily they wash their clothes, and never wear something that has been worn without washing. they take their shoes off before they enter the house. They wipe their plates clean with napkins after eating.

On my new jobs:

I have one :(. I am not in Japan long enough to obtain an ordinary job so I am teaching English to two people daily, excluding the weekend. Ordinarily you are supposed to charge 10,000 yen per lesson ($100), but I charge much cheaper since this is my first time and I don't have any prior experience or training. My dad tells me that I am charging pennies. It's okay. The only thing I need money for is this, that, and bus tickets to Hiroshima and later Yokohama.

I will post on Japanese food later. But here are some pictures taken at a cake/coffee shop:

Emiko-san!

Japanese percolators in action:
in resting state:
preparing the food:
the display
some cakes:

Here are some more of Emiko-san, her daughter, and I sightseeing at a castle:

Last night I went to a temple that was halfway between Matsue and Izumo. The concert was long so I left after an hour and a half. The band playing was a group from Jawa (Java?). It was Thai stylish music. But it seemed like the same song was going on for an hour and a half! Besides I was tired from biking 65+ km to the lake and back again. (See pictures below.) Ochi returned my jacket and gave me shot glasses for a birthday present. I'll have to use them sometime soon. Unfortunately I didn't stay long enough to meet up with Tanaka-san. There is some new music I want to give her.

Here are some bands I've been listening to:

MF Doom

Stephen Marley

Michael Franti & Spearhead

The Chemical Brothers

MGMT (I can't get enough of this hot stuff!)

Lindstrom

Groove Armada

The Guillemots

The Strokes

Over the Rhine

Interpol

Rebelution

Katchafire

Pete Bjorn and John

Bob Marley

Matisyahu

Ministry of Sound Dance mixes

Buddha Lounge Mix music

and finally, the classic Chris Tomlin

here are some pictures: (see post below)

i just biked 60+ km on the Izumo Bike Route! woo hoo!

2008-08-28T04:57:00.004-04:00

Added on September 7th: I biked to the lake again, and this time I took my camera with me:

A man digging for shijimi (small clams). they are delicious in miso soup. However, it is illegal for non-commercial people to take shijimi from the lake. This man looked like he was gonna freak (with fear) after I took a picture of him, lol

a bird!
ducks. there are a lot of these as you will see
the lake:
the bike route on a sign:
a hawk on the side of the path setting flight
a river
another duck

collecting shijimi

the beach at the start of the route

the bike. makes my butt hurt!

Wow, i can't believe how much my legs hurt!

but i survived. I wish I could upload the pictures i took on my Japanese pay-as-you-go phone. Next time I will carry my camera as it is a very scenic route. It ended at a vast 宍道湖 - (shinjiko - lake). Man am I sweaty. So for the first time I will utilize the bath instead of taking a shower the American way. There is a little machine in the kitchen that rings and says that the bath is hot and ready. You can also maintain the temperature. Sweet stuff!

(Next post: Japanese food pictures and all about my two new jobs!)

Here is a picture of the bath:

daisen mondo + climbing

2008-08-24T22:37:00.010-04:00

Last night I came home around midnight from the Daisen Mondo Mountain Music Festival. It was two days long and a blast. One particular band that played I thought the guitarist was cute and an excellent musician. Then I met him, because I didn't notice first- but he was hanging out with my group of friends that whole time with us! Both days I went rock climbing in the morning- rather bouldering out by the sea. I couldn't do pretty much any of the climbs because they were V5's and up but I worked on little portions, and earned a few scrapes here and there. But worst of all was Ochi, who was climbing a short route. When he sent it, a rock piece that he was holding onto at the top broke- sending him tumbling down, partly onto the mat and partly onto rock. No bones were broken but his arm got scraped and his back is a little sore:

Also here are some more climbing pictures from yesterday:

So tomorrow, I'm gonna go bouldering indoors with Tanaka-san in Matsue (via train)- I AM SO STOKED!! I found a girl climber in Japan. Who is also pretty cool.

Here is the Honda van I went road trippin' in this past weekend:

And finally here are some pictures from the music festival:

aka Doggystyle:

soul flower union:

some band:
new friends:

Here are a portion of my Flight Notes 08-08-08

2008-08-18T18:54:00.002-04:00

I had this fear, setting off. The dark, gray and white, japanese bite-the-bullet culture, embedded pride, and combined with the reminiscing of my youth in Japan as a frustrated preteen youth, all alluding to a dark summer ending and fall beginning, meanwhile doubting whether South Dakota in the winterish fall would help any. But on the plane I drifted off, and while we were leaving Sweet Virginia, I came to some subtle melody in the earphones, and in my heart i ebbed to have some human contact, that is, I look back to the past month and cherish my time w/ Bunty, Stephanie, Zack, and Jaimie, the whole REI lot and wonder, why it took me so long to make a true commune with my fellow man. But yes after a long progression @ REI I've come to a better understanding for my basic need of a healthy human contact. In ways, this past month has prepared me for my next new venture that I now embark on. Where, aside from a parellel fascination for the outdoors, outdoor activities, and and unhealthy and nerdy high of gear knowledge is NOT shared, and on top of all that there is a culture and language barrier. Yet the fear, so quickly turned its face. Now I have a ravid excitement. Maybe I will once again after longing, when thrown into the underbelly of the Japanese commute I will once again start fearing for my life.

quote for note:
yesterday is called history
tomorrow is a mystery
today is a gift
that's why it's called the present
（from kung fu panda!）

--

So Paul told me to keep a journal ad that's exactly what I'm doing. The sad/sick part is that I usually only end up truly writing when entering and leaving a country- [when entering] due to excitement, [when leaving] due to regret.

I am naive, evil as a serpant, stupid like a child. I am new and old. I am a helpless infant. I have no water no air. But I am nothing and I need nothing. Or so I think.I am so nothing that I need more that nothing. You are less then what you are when you needs are greater than what you as a person amount to.

Am I content to know that if I never existed the world would spin madly on in a perfectly beautiful way without me. (not that I in my infinite smallness could touch the chatter)? is it worth not existing? and what would I miss the most? life in the essence?

What if there was never a me? I don't know about you, but I would sure miss that! I would miss the life force, the me who is sometimes just a cloud of fury, in a passion for life, that I stir up a war for or against love/hate, objects, people, places. I love the spark of that that is me. I also love the aloneness of I, stuck inside myself; my soul a shanty boat floating- drifting in the vast and endless soul within me. It's sometimes that I realize how completely and utterly isolated I am within myself. But that is the great illusion (more on that in a bit). When I feel vast solitude, I begin to feel like I am wise and sole, standing high in my little dinghy. I am encapsulated within myself and I inside the earth, which is also trapped in the greater ether, the universe. Yet even though I am so completely inside the universe, part of it, part of this beautiful planet earth, and even, yes, part, and fully am myself, I am/seem so far, so far from any meaning derived from boundaries, therefore, definition, meaning, and ultimately reality. Because here I am, the sea and sky to all sides, inside so very much in the center. Yet I am isolated and alone. Maybe that what I feel is like without God. And though an illusion, the thought does well to drive me off. For the soul to “get” to God seems so far. Yet, God is near. When I open my eyes, he is a close as my next breath. He is in the room when I rather be alone, he is with me when I face the startling fears. He is near, he is here. God is everywhere. It's scary yet extraordinarily specific to think that as far as I am from any outlying post, for as many weeks as I have been adrift, God may seem far, but is instantly near. So if I, Lily, cease to exist or never existed, what I would miss the most is knowing God.

And more importantly once I "feel" God, what I would also miss, is that overwhelming rush of emotion- wonder, bafflement, confusion, awe, mouth-watering, hand-shaking feeling- to experience the love of God in wonder, because although God is Love, to me, God's love for the world, and specifically for me, is a mystery. So i want to stay alive.

just some pictures, no words for now. - Lily, izumo

2008-08-18T03:48:00.001-04:00

Last night in US

2008-08-08T01:19:00.003-04:00

Hopefully I won't be a cat out of the water trying to climb in Japan. But from the looks of it there is some climbing scene.

Anyways, I have to figure out how to haul 2months worth of luggage, a LOT of gifts, and myself, through:

14+ hours - Dulles to Tokyo

2 hours - Tokyo to Osaka

4+ hour Bus Ride Osaka to Izumo

yea... it'll be fun. God is good, and I have a feeling He will prevail at least. back to the bags! gah.

What'd I miss?? Listen to live recordings - the 9:30 club and other great venues via NPR. Bands: Ting Tings, Mogwai, Fuck Buttons, and Air

2008-08-05T23:28:00.006-04:00

This is a great way to hear over again the good concerts you attended here, or never got a chance to see because your grandmother was in town.

I missed the Ting Tings due to work so listened here.

Click here for the NPR Concert page.

Here is a Ting Tings Music Video, "Shut Up and Let Me Go"

oh and Mogwai will be playing at the 9:30 Club on September 17th. :( (I'll be in Japan) !!!! :( Their song "Autorock" really moved me in my younger years (17?). iTunes link here.

I thought it was funny that the band Fuck Buttons will be opening, funny enough to take a poster home ;) "Sweet Love for Planet Earth" is pretty. :) Watch the video below:

Right click to download an older songs, "Bright Tomorrow" - Video Below:

Read the pitchfork review of the single (mp3 linked) - pretty sweet recording methods!! Article on them and their toys here. My theory for the name is that their like, screw buttons, we'll use our own equipment! Their album cover is pretty tight too:

and another refresher:

Air - Once Upon a Time

John Butler Trio - Ocean

2008-08-04T12:51:00.001-04:00

Coldplay - Violet Hill

2008-08-03T11:36:00.001-04:00

boycott Olympics?

2008-07-29T17:26:00.003-04:00

To support the Olympics in Beijing would be to support the suppression of freedom and humanity.

1. A justification for tightened security and invasive government
2. Tighter regiments on freedom of speech
3. Making the bad guys money
4. People whose homes are in the way have been made homeless
5. The structures and preparations of the Olympics have been made through the sweat and blood and tears of those who have opposed tyranny- and are thus being punished in this way- forced human labor, inhumane work conditions (legally, and literally)
6. Athletes who desire to retire are forced to compete in the Olympics
7. A large number of past Chinese gold medalists have been forced of the team for political/secret reasons.
8. An obvious abuse of power- threatening athletes who desire retirement, demolishing the homes of its citizens, forcing people to work on the Beijing preparation for voicing political opinion.
9. no/little media freedom
10. invading privacy- a complex effort to spy on those attending the Olympics (http://thehill.com/leading-the-news/brownback-china-preparing-spy-attack-during-olympics-2008-07-29.html)

Read:
Athletes forced to compete/quit
(http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/othersports/olympics/2469113/China-dumps-gold-medallists-from-Olympics-%27for-political-reasons%27.html)
Amnesty's charges against China in leu of the Olympics
(http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=080729073031.jbvvho8o&show_article=1)

Flobots

2008-06-25T00:25:00.002-04:00

handlebars music video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuK2A1ZqoWs

Lyrics here

this is a powerful song

Who is: Harriet Christian? Finally getting a whiff of BO's BO! Boo Ya!

2008-05-31T22:41:00.005-04:00

old school Dems are so silly for being convinced that Hillary would walk into 2008 and be crowned Miss President. They forgot the important- the Boo Ya of the present day. Just when you thought that scary lady [and no i'm not trying to be political here i honestly was scared of her while growing up] was gonna feminize this country into shoulder-padded business suits and mass distribute Xanax pills for the already evil aging population. (yes it is their fault the economy sucks they didn't have enough kids!) Evil!

Hillary you are so lame! So is your friend Harriet Christian here. Of course people hearts are broken... old hearts that is. You're not ready for the Boo Ya(!) It's so awesome. It's like triple oxygen to young people and they at least respect it when it does occur. When it happens to you... you simply freak out and even lash out racist comments. (gasp) Grow up. It's 2008. Boo Ya!

And don't you be saying to me, "well, what's the Boo Ya ?"

Duh. Barak. Obama. Boo Ya!

who is he? A person!

this is hilarious. I am dying with laughter. of course, not literally!

Recent: Me as a Raw Foodist

2008-05-31T08:20:00.005-04:00

Raw Foodism

What it's doing:

1. An unhealthy rate of weight loss. I am a little worried considering I started this diet with the intention to not exercise the first week so I can focus on eating and my body doesn't go into starvation mode from all the lack of meat and dairy. Seriously now! I have lost 7 pounds in 5 days. quite unhealthy if you ask me! I am going to eat more nuts and stuff to regulate.

2. GERD no more! This is my theory (don't know how accurate): the high amount of enzymes in my food (because it's 98% RAW) reduces the amount of stomach acid in my stomach (less need for food breakdown because the enzymes are taking care of that) thus less and now no more GERD! Being the absent minded person I am, on occasion I would wolf down something high in fat without thinking (like cake or a mousse) and bam! Grrrrrross.

3. Well you can't really obsess about raw food - like having an unhealthy addiction to a particular kind. So I'm not having any strong cravings! The other good thing is that you appreciate food more. But make sure you wash your hands and wash the food and stay as organic as possible... It's RAW.

4. My diet, my rules: Raw is RAW. So what does raw mean? Literally uncooked, and I certainly hope, fresh. That means I am not a vegan! I can eat raw meat and raw fish. But considering where I live, it's hard to come by safe and fresh varieties of either. So far, I haven't had meat but look forward to it. :( . I cook be a very happy raw foodist in Japan! There is so much yummy raw food there :). (Like raw baby shrimp. Yummers!) I plan as soon as I can find some safe American Beef to slice it up with some fresh nashi and fresh garlic, negi, sea salt, and a tad of soy sauce. Itadakimaas!

5. My ham with Tofu: I will introduce Japanese tofu in 2 weeks back into the diet but only the most traditional kind. I am very disgusted with all the whoring tofu does in america. Simply because it can take various textures it's been abused to serve lusting american palettes in such forms as "tofu burger" and "tofu cheesecake" etc. Someone save that tofu!

6. Before it's official. Yea, what you're reading, believe or not is just HYPE. that's because I've only been doing this for 4 days. Pretty pathetic huh? Well, if I can stick with this more posts of the enduring kind.

Next up on the RAW:

- Raw foods and raw meat on the human personality - A more poetic rage?

- RAW Update- good raw, bad raw

- BANANAS ROCK!!

Sarajeskaparker is so ugly and freaky and she scares the hell out of me!!! (i am so sick of seeing the face on every diet coke bottle)

2008-05-31T00:47:00.007-04:00

she is very scary. and then her voice is scary. aside from all the other things that annoy me about sexnthecity to withstand the feat of hearing such a nails+drywall voice is unbearable and yelch the end. !!!!

@ Grand central, hundreds purposely freeze for 5 min.

2008-05-30T21:43:00.005-04:00

It was weird in movies- and weirder still in real life? and don't you dare laugh because

these people are "stupid" for being such fools. i know you'd be flipping out!

The Best Ever's May 27: Transforming Pencil Case, Kate Nash, Vinyls are back

2008-05-27T11:58:00.012-04:00

Ok three things.

1. I am going to get this pencil case because I couldn't just find the right one in Japan last week. It transforms into a pencil case! how cool is that? Kokuyo NeoCritz Transformer Pencil Case here @ Jetpens.com.

2. I recently discovered Kate Nash. Via her song Mouthwash (iTunes link) or down here on YouTube. Very still english voice. made it bigger owing to myspace. (incidentally maybe the one thing myspace is good for - music...) i like.

3. Just added almost the whole S & G discography (over 100 songs) speaking of which Vinyl's are back, so smooth, old school and affordable! Back in Tokunoshima I discovered 3(!) Vinyl players in my Uncle's old hut collecting dust. Did i mention vinyls are now $0.50 to $2 in thrift shops across the states? (they always have been ;) Also, you can get your favorite indie releases on vinyl too, via Insound.com. (Like andrew bird. just close your eyes and imagine.... just imagine the sound of THIS on vinyl!) As soon as I can, I am going to get my hands on a vinyl player so I can listen to these Billy Joel and John Lennon & Yoko Ono vinyls i couldn't stop myself from buying. (they look so cool!)

Where the Office show begun: JAPAN!

2008-05-23T21:53:00.001-04:00

Tip {not} Use Vaseline daily to cure acne

2008-04-16T20:58:00.002-04:00

mwahahahaha

micah told kyle that if he coated his face with vaseline daily, his acne would disappear. he advised this on the basis that vaseline would moisturize his skin, and that it is good because vaseline is CLEAN oil, as opposed to the rivers of oiliness on any teenager's face. so now micah is arguing with kyle, trying to convince him that if he sticks with it, all his acne will disappear within a week of daily application.

lol. i first tried to correct kyle. but he stubbornly denied my attempts at enlightenment and now i'm joining forces with micah... sigh

real friends stab you in the front and bad friends stab you in the back. sympathetic but confused friends also stab you in the back.

04.10.08 - abby

2008-04-10T13:22:00.001-04:00

04.10.08 - abby, originally uploaded by ligerlily.

she don't care it's nice outside :P

flower in tree in front yard

2008-04-10T13:21:00.001-04:00

DSC_0855, originally uploaded by ligerlily.

this is the kind of day today is!

the Bermuda Burger

2008-04-02T21:34:00.003-04:00

the three meals of toppling tri-om were the three amazing burgers downed with 3 pints of beer on different occasions. so i tried it out at home. and it was good. here we go, a very traditional, pub style, my "bermuda burger"

a simple recreation:

the Bermuda Burger

(note: a lot of things are variable, better/fresher ingredients = better burger so give that a push)

1: the Patty Cake - (pr. lb of beef / makes 4 quarter pounders or 2 half pounders)

1 lb. ground beef

2 TB Milk

2 TB Black Rum (or maybe 1tb reg and 1tb worch. sauce)

1/2 cup Bread Crumbs

1 Egg

1 clove fresh minced garlic

salt, pepper

do this: blend all but the meat and garlic in a blender, then mash everything together and form patties, grill for about 3 min. pr side on high heat, and lay cheese after first flip

2: the *Special* Toppings - cook these first

Caramelized red onions

- 1 fresh ripe onion, chunky cut, cook in saucepan on low heat with butter, 1TB Rum and 1TB cane sugar

Lightly sautéed mushroom slices

- salt, pepper, butter, hot and briefly fry

Bacon

- don't shrink it too much, two slices pr. bun

Cheese (rec. cheddar and dubliner)

- melt on burger after first flip

3: etc. Toppings

Romaine lettuce leaves

White Onion, thin round slivers

Red Tomatoes, thin round slices

Pickles, butter or dill quarters

Condiments: Mayo, ketchup, BBQ Sauce :D

Pile up on a toasted buttered sesame bun, homemade or store wrought, and ENJOI with a pint of ale!

[in edit] Tips on Running by Lily :D

2008-03-19T00:17:00.001-04:00

Tips on Running

> Drink a bottle of water within 2 hours of your run

> take a little sugar (NOT SUGAR FREE it will give you gas! :( ! ) - like a gumdrop right before you run, it will give you a spurt of energy

> look out the window before you run and mentally prepare to run- as you are still stuck inside, create in yourself a desire and urge to run, look at the buds slowly moving in the wind and imagine yourself, running in slow motion

> have a good music mix

> BE PASSIONATE: run to the music, and agree with the lyrics, meditate on the emotions. the passions of the singer you will find alignment with as you yourself are in a struggle of emotion, whether it's a flood of thoughts of the events of the past week or the difficult aspects of the run

> look at different things - have things in your route been changed?

> vary your pace, run little sprints, then slow jog, then speed up and catch a rythym

> set a timer, not a distance. choose to keep sustainably running for a certain amount of time. I like to set a 30 min. timer on my wristwatch

> focus of breathing for the first mile, doing so will help you lapse into a good steady rhythm that sets a stage for a long comfortable run, long breaths,breath in through you nose

> The actuality of the regular. run every day. sometimes you only have time for a mile

> earlier is better

> Jump! find parts in your run where you can run and leap

> talk about it, get other ppl excited, and keep accountable with other runners.

on and on and on by wilco

2008-02-14T21:01:00.002-05:00

you can download the song here.

the lyrics here:

On and on and on we’ll stay together yet
On and on and on we’ll be together yet
You and I will try to stay together yet
On and on and on we’ll be together yet

Please don’t cry we’re designed to die
Don’t deny what’s inside
On and on and on we’ll stay together yeah
On and on and on
On and on and on

One day we’ll disappear together in a dream
However short or long our lives are going to be
I will live in you or you will live in me
Until we disappear together in a dream

Please don’t cry we’re designed to die
You can’t deny even the gentlest tide
On and on and on we’ll be together yeah
On and on and on
On and on and on
We’re going to try

Please don’t cry
This world of words and meanings makes you feel outside
Something that you feel already deep inside
You’ve denied
Go ahead and cry

On and on and on we’ll stay together yet
On and on and on
On and on and on

You and I will stay together yet
You and I will try to make it better yet

2008-02-08T11:42:00.000-05:00

Simple methods to be kinder to the environment:

> Take the bus or ride a bike to work, (imagine one less car, 200+ days per year- that's 2,000 less miles or more!)
> Buy less stuff you don't need (less waste)
> Reuse plastic bags
> Think DIY and creatively
> Volunteer cleanup @ local trails
> leave-no-trace ethics while outdoors

shakira with a mystery baby stuck in a tree

2008-02-03T17:06:00.000-05:00

So, I'm doing some h.w. on the pc when I decide to play some "Hips Don't Lie" on iTunes and I notice the album cover for Oral Fixation, v2.
Looks very Shakira typical...

but what the heck?!? What is the symbolism intended with this random baby?!?! Here's on of the lamest album covers, all smashed by inserting a cute baby perched on a tree, and reaching for the apple (s?) The more I look at it, it seems more like this child is perched in a bird's nest. Where are the legs? Maybe the baby is lying on the tree on its belly and it's just trying to balance. ????

Here's how it could have played out:

Producer: Shakira, we just finished wrapping up the album. Check out this awesome cover our designer whipped up last night.

Shakira: No. I just no se. It looks very good, very hot. But something important is missing. Something that expresses my soul. I want my inner child to be represented on this cover.

Producer: I don't think I was trying to go that direction when I wrote the songs.

Shakira: Shut up. I'm Shakira! I want 7 adorable cute babies from all around the world holding me up, like I am the inner child of the world.

Producer: ... wtf... I'll see what I can do.

Shakira: Good.

months later...

shakira calls her producer....

Shakira: #%$#!! You only put one baby in the album! and it's non even a part of me. It's like the baby that's reaching for my soul. It's like Satan in a tree. Or something diablo.

Producer: Look Shakira. Your album is selling like crazy. Nobody hardly notices the baby. I had it photoshopped in last minute. Don't worry. According to our statistics, that baby is indirectly puporting mind control, causing an increase in album purchases by mothers and women over 75.

Shakira: Whatever, I better see a hundred babies in the next single release. Or pandas. Those are really cute too. Remember my hips don't lie! And that's a threat.

Click.

Eat Meat, Be Human

2008-01-12T19:58:00.000-05:00

Here's my theory:

If we all became vegetarians and lived off leafy greens, we would all become the most tasteless, docile, sedated creatures.

We would be tranquilized from the lack of evergizing meats- that is, the FLESH of other living things. There would be a definite decrease in aggression, ambition, passion, sex drive, and blotchy skin.

So here's how it came: I know most of our best theories about aliens come in relation to the cow: for example, that one about the aliens switching out their brains with the cows and invading middle America.

Well think again. My theory came from the fact that cows have a bacteria that exists in their stomachs that allow them to digest cellulose- the structural base of grass and most all plants. As humans, we can't break down the sugar of cellulose because we lack a particular enzyme. Cows however, possess a foreign bacteria that lives in their stomach and produces this grass-compatible enzyme. So if we humans were to house a bacteria in our little tummies that can break down the green grass of this earth... would we become entirely vegetarians?

I KNOW FOR A FACT KIDS THAT GOD DID NOT MEAN FOR US TO BECOME VEGETARIANS: as far as I know there is no known bacteria that humans can compatibly host to produce plant-digesting enzymes!

So maybe, yea, it's possible that if WE COULD EAT PLANTS LIKE EM COWS, we'll bald, put on black rimmed glasses, sip soy milk and much on greens plucked from our houseplants. We'll draw pictures of ourselves hugging disinterested animals (not even in the wrong way!) as we sport the latest bio-degradable shirts and capris. If this should happen, IF IT DARE HAPPEN humans would be tasteless, docile and in essence the "caretakers of the garden" rather than the "rockers of the world."

I'd rather be a ROCKER then an old-smelling, leaf munching, balding, picky "CARETAKER."

But what of this? What if we were to become leafy munchers and placed ourselves in strong competition with animals for our food source? (remember that a majority of animals ARE vegetarian)

Before it was so:

HUMANS eat ANIMALS and edible greens
ANIMALS eat PLANTS and edible greens and animals

Now:

HUMANS eat PLANTS and edible greens
ANIMALS eat PLANTS and edible greens and animals and docile stupid humans

ANIMALS start to go extinct because humans have no need for them. No food source (meat) = not important.

You can squeal all you want and say that we'd never let our precious furry friends go to the grave and we want to preserve them, but honestly, how much land do we keep for grazing ground? And how much of us actually care? And what about farming? Do we need to produce a harvest anymore? Not really. If we can just eat whatever's sprouting from the sidewalk, would we decrease our farms productions?

We might just go to the Home Depot, buy UV lights and install them by the bedroom for our potted plants (now food source) and multi use it for tanning.

We might have less wars, less fighting, less bickering, but i'm sure we'd began to lack in other areas, such as a healthy, ambition, love, compassion, care, and general "aliveness."

This meat thing makes us aggressive persons for our passions, whether it be terrorism, Star Wars memorabilia, or dog shows.

Let's take our burgers, one heaping bite at a time, leave out the bun if necessary to eat two patties instead!

Take a stance, be human, eat MEAT.

2007-11-22T19:16:00.000-05:00

2007-10-15T18:36:00.000-04:00

today i feel like nowhere and a nobody in it

2007-10-11T15:58:00.000-04:00

.
you say we should be fine
i see you all the time
i wish i wish
that we'd fall behind

this is the only one
that we've been talking of
i hope i hope
that you are ready to go

time comes and twists my arm
don't go get me alarmed
i know i know
that you found my secret heart

river that flows on grand
keep going going rush
around around
you'll know i'll stand through strong

at dusk you found your way
the river bed was stained
i'm sore so sorry
to say that i'll be long

please keep marching away
you're a soldier not here to say
i can't i never
with any for too long

so leave while it's still bright and maybe you'll find your way around again, and maybe just maybe we'll find ourselves back at the square that past

so no matter how we try
nothing will ever be right
you're whole i'm none
this is the worst equation
that either of us tried

determination / why we strive in life

2007-10-07T22:58:00.000-04:00

ultimately, it's not about a goal, aside for his pleasure and completion in Christ to more fully ACT/STRIVE in the growing knowledge that the goal as already been achieved. through this, our reason for striving leaves a state of of temporal and simpleminded action-for-goal reasoning and pursuit. so here is something that was triggered from a text:

on determination-

sometimes determination is born out of frustration and sometimes from joy.

the same amount of striving, the same amount of completion most times.

why:
the only real difference i see is that in one, i become compelled out of misery and in the other, compelled out of happiness. when i am compelled from misery, it's because i've been so frustrated at being in one place for so long. in a sense, determination out of frustration takes longer to be born, while in joy, it is sudden, fast, and immediately productive. our progression from the point of inaction to the process of actions is either done in anger or in love.

during the process: i am completely miserable and angry in one, and in the other, i am completely steadfast in joy. (not happiness, but a steady confidence, and this is partially because I am doing as I will while concurrently achieving what I will(desire))

when complete, i feel immense satisfaction concluding both types. in one, i become even more reliant on myself, and in the other, more humble, grateful and amazed. (i was relying on the strength of another, God, but aside that, I was not doing it for the purpose of achievement, but bc I also desired to pursue the work in the process.)

to conclude with a tiny instance of striving, you can see that achievement (any level) in a sense is inevitable just as time is inevitable. the results of what inspired us to action and what compelled us to do as we did is very different though.

who we are today is built from the actions we took in the past. we have "achieved" ourselves. (not to put over-weight onto free will, but as we are here on earth, for God has put us here, and put command over the body and mind of ourselves in stewardship, just as he has to everyman)

life. that is what we cannot control. even further- our existence. when someone kills themself, they may no longer be physically living, but their soul certainly exists and they can't stop that from existing. so ultimately, we don't have total control. (duh)

what i am trying to drive down to is a simple tiny fact that may seem insignificant to you, but as in everything, to ponder, was good perspective-wise for me:

life is a "game" and we are the players. We don't have a choice whether we wanted to play or not. we're here, and that's that. emotions are relative, and as far as we exist in this 4 dimensional earth, time is not.

emotions can be altered, inspiration can be created, and if something is inevitable to occur, why not do so in a why that we actually enjoy the process of being created, brings us further from ourselves and closer to Him aside from the simple purpose of why we strive.

now i am laughing bc sometimes it takes me lifetimes of slow thought and blind confusion to come to the obvious answers that lie in the word:

I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (phil. 3:14)

so what does this mean? i'm still figuring out how that manifests itself in me and how i can pursue it with my actions. obviously, this is talking about something that we actually have to ultimately pursue.

so it comes down to, why we pursue something. is it the temporary goal of whatever we can see that is the underlining reason for our striving? or is it for something that we cannot fully see, that we cannot fully attain and say, yes, i achieved this, in my own merit, and it was hard.

we press on, not for the achievement (and i speak now of temp goals, including 20 year ones, the ones for this earth), but something beyond that, something eternal that cannot be stacked up and traded in for from a mass of earthly achievements. the only way we can truly achieve this goal in the game of life is through actions, and the reasons that compel them, rather then stunted sprints for bunny prizes.

so wow, with every word i write my brain is going in 27 directions and i'm realizing that i'm opening up a whole realm to explore and i don't have the time nor ability to analyze everything

i find that, in most things, when i pursue them for just that (the pressing on part (and this is rare for me)), my joy is not rooted in success or the desire for it. my joy and motivation, and the actions that flow from them is done from the pure delight of doing such striving, and the sheer excitement to run after something that is so big and amazing and so fast that i can't catch. am i laughing? sometimes in the worst i am. my compellings, my pursuit, my reasons for emotion is not rooted in the yes or no of the temporal, and in this way, i am untouchably safe. for nothing can hurt me when i have nothing to lose. there is no need to strive and stress. for i have everything in Christ. all that i truly need and have reason to pursue for the sake of achievement has been achieved, given to me freely, and i, in a million lifetimes of striving and striving could never achieve such a colossall goal. and now, there is nothing for me left to do, but the striving part, which can be done in pure joy if we choose to remain conscious to the reality of our position. there is not goal to achieve, except that to strive. it's done
it's over. and yes, for a few short decades, we'll be here a little longer. no need to panic, only to laugh smile, and do things just cause we can (like striving) not bc we have to. God makes life beautiful, doesn't he?

here's the rest of it: (the surrounds in phil. 3):

12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. 16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained.

and when i looked for answers, i was told to look in the word and here is some else that god showed me:

12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

Collosians 1:9-10

9 And so, from the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, 10 so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. 11 May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, 12 giving thanks [4] to the Father, who has qualified you [5] to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. 13 He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

so it's a foreign thought. that every time we strive it's not for a goal, bc it's already been achieved. we do it, so that in every action and achievement we bring Him pleasure and glory. sounds simple, it ain't. it's hard to do because it's against everything we've assumed for as long as we are human.

2007-10-07T22:56:00.001-04:00

NOT MINE! here is one i found on flickr

2007-10-07T22:51:00.001-04:00

NOT MINE! here is one i found on flickr

2007-09-23T18:59:00.005-04:00

look up. it's something we don't do often enough. we look at the ground. our feet are expansive. try sky. shocking that i/you/we never tried that before...

2007-09-23T18:59:00.003-04:00

tacobelle

2007-09-23T18:59:00.001-04:00

this yvonne at/is night on the c.fam drive. so grainy!

2007-09-03T15:16:00.001-04:00

DSC_0374, originally uploaded by ligerlily.

JoelA: yea you

2007-09-03T15:12:00.001-04:00

DSC_0356, originally uploaded by ligerlily.

JoelB: lovely eyes

2007-09-03T15:06:00.001-04:00

joelC: jumping. with a sword.

2007-08-24T12:59:00.001-04:00

the day started out like this

2007-08-24T12:58:00.001-04:00

later, lighting erupted and we had to stop fishing

2007-08-24T12:11:00.000-04:00

the day ended like this

2007-08-22T14:09:00.001-04:00

my favorite squirrel neighbor

2007-08-22T14:05:00.001-04:00

sand crabs for fishing. i caught too many and we let them go.

2007-08-22T14:01:00.001-04:00

two blue flower things from a garden in the black forest of germany

2007-04-18T08:38:00.000-04:00

2007-03-28T18:22:00.000-04:00

red. black. yellow. white. black.
wake up
white. black. white. white. WHITE
wake up
"mmmmmmmmmm"
and
"ohhhhhaaahhhhh"
stre ------- tch
floating dust appearing here and there when they fall by where the sun comes in....
"lily, wake up!"
mmmmmhmmm
drifting off
strange dreams
with friends
too close!
wat?!
oh - pAUsE! (refrain refrain)
by now the place is empty
and everyone will hear you but everyone
is gone
God!
help m e n o w
my drifting sleep(s)
carries me through
and hot summer rays and heat bugs and grass
makes a new cycle of river rays
till fall's yellow gross moldy cold
wakes me up
makes my back
JerK